It's a bit early to post this but if I don't do it now I'll forget!! Lol!! I did my review of the year last year and found it very cathartic, so I figured I'd have another go this year. 2007 has been another year of change. Most of it has already been played out on the ol' blog anyway, but it can't hurt to pull it all together in one blog and see what we come up with. I am writing it a bit all over the place though but Lord knows I can't remember what happened last week, my calendar's just been so chocka! ;)
It's been a busy year this year if nothing else. I don't think I've been so exhausted in my entire life. I may have to take it a bit easier in 2008. But where to start …… I think we should just go with the flow and see what happens. I'm going to try logical but I'll probably bugger it up! A brew is again advisable, as this has worked out at about 3 and a half pages in 8pt in Word!! But then it is an annual review kind of thing! Lol!!
Boycie
So January rolled round and it was back to work after the Christmas break. As per it mostly sucked but the one thing that came out of it was Bubba. I think you know the story by now -- a friend of my friend Joss had asked her before Christmas if she knew anyone who would be willing to re-home a deaf Great Dane – that wasn't Boycie. That was his brother George. In the end that one never came off – his owner decided they might try training this destructive deaf Great Dane. I'm guessing it would be the owners that needed the training but that's by-the-by. It was all a bit sudden in all honesty. But then a couple of weeks later we got another phone call about another Dane that needed a home. THAT was Bubba. The story goes that the breeder sold two Great Dane pups to this guy who subsequently couldn't cope after he started up his own business. He had no time for these two littl'uns and decided to return one of them to his former home in Heanor, Deepest Derbyshire …… not far from Karen's house actually!! ;) We, however, came to the conclusion that that story was a load of …… old tosh. When we went to meet Bubba he had a really bad infection. She told us about how he'd been really poorly when he was first born and in and out of the Vets regularly, how it had resulted in Bronchitis, and that they were plying him with children's cough medicine to alleviate it. We took her at her word and fell in love with this sprightly little guy. Twink came in and met him and they seemed to get on well so we took him home. She phoned the day after to see if he had settled in and we didn't hear anything else from her until we physically turned up on her doorstep with him whilst on holiday to let her see how he was getting on.
Anyway, I'm jumping ahead. We gave the cough medicine a bit of time, and when that didn't seem to improve matters we tried him on honey. When that was worse than useless we decided to take him to the Vet to find out exactly what was going on and to get his vaccinations done. He told us he wasn't even going to think about giving Boycie his jabs until they knew what his respiratory problem was. He decided the best course of action was to see if it was anything communicable that Belle might catch and then go from there. When Belle didn't catch anything from him we went back and it was elected to do X-Rays and such. They showed up a MASSIVE infection – he was a proper poorly boy. But a few months and about £300 of antibiotics later he was better and we could have him jabbed and go on holiday. Karen, you'll be glad to know that since you last saw him when he was a sickly looking scrawny lad he's gotten huuuuge. He's filled out loads and he's a tall lad now who towers over Twink Just ask Kerry!! Lol!!
Jaunts
True to my blog last year, when I swore I would better my jaunting record of 2006, I am happy to report there have been lots of hotels, lots of miles, lots of friends, some disappointments, but mostly a brilliant time had by all. The Producers was a highlight. Although the reason for going originally was Peter Kay, it actually turned out to be a bloody brilliant piece of theatre. All-in-all Kerry and I managed 4 outings to see it because, yes, we enjoyed it that much. As time went on the focus went more towards Cory English, John Gordon Sinclair, Robin Sebastian and later on, Russ Abbott (who did a sterling turn as Roger DeBris in Brum!!), and every time we went there was something new to notice – even for Producers aficionado Kerry Mallison!! ;) There were other good nights out. A trip into Sheffield in June to see Derren Brown freaked both me and Kerry out after a trick with a table that was just as freaky as fuck!! And also a special request from Justin Moorhouse for us to pop over and say hi to him and Alfie after the Hull Truck show he did in November was touching. It didn't happen but it was touching. We need to do some stage door research there!! Russell Brands gig was also a pleasant surprise. Having only seen him on Big Brother related shows, me and Kerry were pleasantly surprised by his performance – he is actually a bit witty!! It wasn't all theatre. There was also gigging. Kerry loved Mika and Scissor Sisters, Gwen Stefani gave us an excellent show, including a mad dash across the back of the Arena mere feet from us and I went a bit giddy after witnessing the talents of many guitarists at a Maroon 5 gig. Kerry's blogged most of these over on her 'Space but if you're not already a friend of hers you'll need to ask!! ;)
Unfortunately, the excessive jaunting is going to be hard to top in 2008. I think it may have to be more quality over quantity -- until we get really desperate anyway!! Kerry and I want to take in the Fringe, and a Bon Jovi gig is already arranged with an aim to a view up a certain guitarist's trouser leg!!;) We've also talked about looking at different venues for shows. We've done Manchester and Sheffield nearly to death (not that we won't go back to Manchester ...... less willing for Sheffield but you all know why so we'll gloss over that!! Lol!!), but I also think next year we need to have a Xmas do of our own -- go to one of these theme nights they have at some hotels and have a blast -- not for a show, but for quality time amongst friends!!
Obsessions, Dedications and Realisations
OK. So there have been a number of obsessions, no, dedications that have reared their heads this year that I didn't actually realise I had in me. The Producers was the first one, being that I loved the show and its hidden jokes and meanings, its sheer hilarity, toe-tapping goodness and [mostly] fantastic and embracing cast. The possibility of being able to see it on several occasions in all its glory was too much to bear ...... so we did!! Mel Brooks played a blinder when he wrote that one. Of course the inevitable recognition by the star after hanging around outside stage doors every time was a bonus. If you want to relive it get the DVD of the 2005 version -- it's as close to the stage show as I think you can get!! Of course it's not as good as the Stage show but it's damn near!!
The next was getting my Bon Jovi back catalogue into something resembling completion -- too much time spent on Fleabay during my time as an unemployed sorted that one out some. Of course there are some that I'm still missing, but even I don't feel comfortable paying £35 (yes £35!!!!) for a CD Single from some time in the 80's!! I begrudgingly paid £11 for one because, judging by eBay, that seemed a reasonable going rate. This one burgeoned into a newly discovered appreciation for guitarist Richie Sambora. Now I justify this by saying I adored his guitar skills way before I realised he is quite a dish. June 2006 I remember standing in the crowd at the City of Manchester Stadium saying, more to myself than anyone else, "Go Richie. Work that Axe!!" rather than "Richie I want to have your babies" as I'm sure a lot of the lasses would have been saying – come on, they had to. Being a rock guitarist is currency in anyone's book!! He's been a favourite guitarist since I discovered rock music in 1994. However, after listening to his solo material since about July this year, I gained a new appreciation for his art, his voice and his heart. He truly is an awesome artist and sorely under-rated by the masses. He's also not bad to look at for a guy old enough to be my Dad – let's just say I wouldn't kick him out of my bed if he happened to find himself in it ;) Lol!! …… I also haven't figured out how he still manages to look so good or have as many faces – what I mean by that is every photo I've seen (of which I have found many!! And Kerry if you say how many I won't even contemplate trying to arrange a private Mesh show for your for your "29 and 13 month-th" birthday!! ;) Anyway back to the blog!!) he looks different every time. It's very much a double-take situation. Not that I'm complaining. I am happy to double-take as often as necessary. ;)
Chat shows. This is a bit of a disturbing one. It's not like I want to have Jerry Springer's babies, or spank Jeremy Kyle's monkey, but it's more the train wreck that is chat show guests. I don't get how people can put their entire life on display to the world (says she who blogs regularly about her life, but those do tend to be Friends Only territory!! ;)) but as Justin Moorhouse observed it's always some Chav called Dwayne from Slough or somewhere, whose ginger-haired girlfriend Chantal is pregnant and on welfare and they're shouting nothing more than "You're the Dad" "I'm not the Dad. You're a slaaaaaag!" at each other. The American ones are the best though – Springer is the Master of the disturbing chat show guest …… "I'm sleeping with my Mom's Brother's Wife's Nephew", "Midgets at War", "I'm sleeping with my Horse", and my personal favourite (which went something like) "I'm marrying my Sister but it's OK, because we didn't grow up together and we already have a baby together." It's incest no matter how you dress it up, and that child is going to be it's own cousin?!?!? And on Maury, oh Lordy!! "I don't know who my baby's daddy is so I'm back to get a 15th man paternity tested" – you think I'm lying!! I actually saw that one!! You have 2 choices Love, cap it or keep your legs shut!! Lol!!
As for realisations, the main one we all know about is Peter Kay. We try not to talk about it so I won't. Suffice it to say although I would still like to try and see him perform live, I don't think I'll go to quite the same lengths as with Paddy. That said, if Paddy starts to go the same way I will actually ask Tony to give him a slap and sort him out!! 'Nuff said!!
Old Job, New Job
From troubles at the beginning of the year to my unemployment come August, my work life has been a major chagrin in 2007. It had been problematic and uncomfortable for three years or so anyway, but the last 18-months or so were the worst it had been. As I've said before, my time at 'the place that shall no longer be named' had been uncomfortable for some time and on more than one occasion I got the distinct impression my face didn't fit. Unfortunately it also seems that one of my fears has come to fruition in that I've heard very little from my friend Joss in recent months. No texts or emails have flown in my direction which is a bit of a bugger. Admittedly she's been going through stuff as well so I'll send her a New Year text and ask how things are going, but it makes me question again how I actually did fit in or whether I ever truly did. Anyway, after nearly three months of unemployment I did finally get a temporary assignment at a company which makes corrugated cardboard packaging outers for some well known companies in the food and chemical industries – don't worry, your Aunt Bessie's won't come dowsed in bleach. We just do the boxes!! ;) I started in November and it was a 12-week contract so at the end of January I may very well be unemployed again. Nobody's said anything about keeping me on, although one of the girls I work alongside has recently confirmed she is expecting, but we're not counting chickens. As with all things it hasn't been totally free from drama – I had a couple of weeks where I came to realise where my place in this company actually was courtesy of said pregnant person. It's not words, it's attitude. However my manager did reassure me that it's just the way she is, he and everyone else knows it and not to take it to heart.
Aside from this minor friction, they're a good bunch. I've proper come out of my shell here. It probably helps that in my personal life I've come out of my shell and bit more in the last few years. A 'positive' result of my Dad's passing. My shelter has gone and I've, well, gone insane!! Lol!! I find it easier to meet people these days – probably because I know I have a good bunch behind me who, whether other people like me or not, will still be there and put up with my, erm, idiocies, bitching, and general insanity and giddiness!?!? I made the conscious decision before I started working again to really put the effort in this time, and after a couple of weeks I did. It's even gone so far as now people realise when I'm not my usual bubbly self. Case in point – Thursday whilst at work I was feeling fragile – not through the excessive alcohol and chocolate consumption that has plagued most, but apprehension about the forthcoming anniversary, and one of the girls, who, bear in mind, has only known me two months said I seemed more distant and less myself than usual. It's happened a couple of times. It's been refreshing to say the least. Other little things have been picked up on too. My manager's also a lot easier to talk to. I was comfortable telling him about my feelings about the situation with my co-worker which pre-empted the conversation about her attitude I mentioned before.
All-in-all it's not been bad the last couple of months, but we'll see what comes next – as I said, not counting chickens yet. Although the fact the contract is almost up has given rise to 'thinking', 'analysing' and 're-evaluating' again. I'm erring on the side of caution and will start job hunting again in a couple of weeks. At least I will have come away with a bit more experience and a new found realisation that I'm not a total lost cause in terms of work. I've gotten over the useless vibe I had at 'the place that shall no longer be named'. I know I won't always get the first job I apply and interview for, but I will get there – and I know you all said it, but you know what I'm like!! Lol!! Although that mythical jackpot winning lottery ticket or marriage to a very successful rock star would be more than welcome!! ;)
Friends Old and New
This year's been a good year for meeting new folk and revisiting old ones -- old as in known for a while not ancient and decrepit before you jump at me!! ;) Every opportunity to get together for a 'do (or even just for the hell of it!!) has been grabbed with both hands and as per tradition a fun time has been had by all ...... I hope??? Be it molesting Stormtroopers, lead singers and older brothers, surviving killer balloon attacks, staying up all night chatting and rolling in through the front door at 5am, trying to talk the way into a members only club (which was actually a really shit place and not really worth the effort in my opinion!!), a trip round the shops, going to feed some ducks, or getting together for a meal and a show, it's all been good, and I'm once again very happy to have got to spend some time, both online and offline with you all. We are going to have to get some more stuff arranged for next year though.
Deep and Meaningful
It's been an odd kind of year this year. I've been very introspective. I think it's been down to the volatile kind of year I've had. Hopefully the ride will be smoother in 2008. It's all been played out on here in amazing detail, but with the trouble I had at work, feeling the loss of my Dad (possibly due to the trouble I had at work and how much it pissed me off), being made redundant and struggling to find new employment for a bit, I spent a lot of time reflecting. No doubt it'll continue as I'm already having another 'crisis' now my contract is coming to an end in the near future, but as Karen commented on one of the blogs, it's been very cathartic. It should be a mantra – Blogging is a byword for therapy. And as Kerry added, they'd make a fortune out of us lot. You've all gone above and beyond the call of duty for me this year. More cheering and supporting this year, except this year, rather than being support for celebrity 'stalkage' it's been more for the sake of my sanity and that is never a bad thing! My sanity needs all the help it can get!! Lol!! I said it before and I'll say it again – Kudos to you. You know who you are.
The Future
So what does 2008 hold for little ol' me then?? Top on the agenda is my Bon Jovi gig – I love those guys. I'm so looking forward to it, it isn't even funny. I may very well wet myself from sheer excitement by the time June rolls around. Lol!! There are rumours of a Paddy McGuinness tour that will require several trips to watch, because we know he's very good and I've been missing out on my hugs this year. There was one in June from the lovely Tony but you can never have too many. Am I right or am I right?? There will be an attempt to take him en masse – he may never get over it, but it will certainly be one for the books of McGuinness stalkers, North and Midlands divisions. On a related note, if I could also get my hands on one Richie Sambora you may never see me again because I will have died and gone to heaven. :D
Also, little thing, I'm hoping to actually manage to grow my fingernails again. I had lovely nails until about March this year and then I chewed them to buggery, so I'd like to get those back in shape. Preferably in the next couple of months. I also need to try and get a handle on my shoe addiction. I have only one pair of feet and many, many pairs of boots – some of which I had forgotten I have!!! Same goes for watches. I can only wear them one at a time or I look like a twat …… and I have many, many watches in many different colours and styles. There is one more I have set my heart on and therefore must own but after that strict controls!! Also going to bed at a reasonable time (says she who is still writing this at about 2.30am), especially on work nights. When I became an unemployed my sleep pattern went to hell, so even though I'm back at work I'm still going to bed at 1am and having to be awake to get ready for work at 6.45am. Technically it's more 7.45am-ish when I actually roll out of bed but the alarm goes off at 6.45am by which point you don't get back to sleep proper, and I have to be out the door at about 8am-ish to get a lift in with Mum even though technically my work day doesn't start until 9am. I get a crafty 20 minutes or so in the car when Mum drives, but y'know, both ends of the candle and all that.
I'm sure there'll be more. Like I said last year, I don't do resolutions, just aims, and that was them for the moment
The Bible
This is a new one. Don't worry -- I haven't suddenly found religion. There is now a book – a jaunting bible if you will that Kerry and I have been proposing for a while. A list of acts we want to see again, acts to see at least once, acts we will see if we're stuck for something to do, acts we refuse to go and see under pain of death, there was talk of a "Where's The Stage Door?" section but I think that's a bit 'hmmmm' so we'll think about that some more. It will also have classic quotes. I say will because we haven't started filling it in yet!! Lol!! Those stupid things every one of us come out with when our mouths go into gear before our brains, or that just create innuendo without even trying. Not that it's for anything more than our own entertainment, but Kerry and I have already got some classics lined up. I was going to put some "Quotes Of The Year" up but some of them you just won't get and if you have to explain them they're just not funny. Although I did quite like the ones from this last weekend "Less Monsters of Rock, more Monsters of Cock!" and "Is he Jewish?" I'll let Kerry explain those because she has much trouble concentrating when I mention those!!
Anyway, here's to 2008. May it bring us all much more joy, happiness and jaunting!! When's the next big hurrah??
H.
xx
Monday 31 December 2007
Wednesday 5 December 2007
It’s Christmas!!! Bah-Humbug!!
Sometimes I think there's still a big hole in my heart. It occurred to me yesterday when I got in a right state at work. Yesterday afternoon I'd got everything done that I could do which gave me time to think, which is never really a good idea anyway, but it's even worse in December …… and March. . I'd already had a bad week and my lack of work gave me time to reflect on my Dad and how he wasn't here. I just kind of sunk into some kind of funk in the space of a couple of hours. It was the longest afternoon of my life, with the exception of that first day back at work after the funeral.
I've not been too fond of Christmas since that year. It's supposed to be a joyous affair and you hear people discussing how they're spending Christmas with family and how they've bought their folks this, that and the other and it just reminds me that half my parentage isn't around anymore. The first year was the worst. It was coming up to the anniversary and I'd forced myself to get out there and socialise in the hopes it'd take my mind off it, and for a little while it did. I was at work's Christmas do and you know how these things work. All the Christmassy songs come at the end of the night and I was fine with Slade and the like, but then Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' came over the disco and I started crying. Not all out sobbing, but enough to feel self-conscious. All I wanted for Christmas was my Dad. That was the longest 3.5 minutes of my life. I was just glad that it was dark and no-one could see, because Lord knows I doubt they'd understand. I think we've established that I'm a soft sod …… but don't tell anyone! ;)
Most of them had the empathy and tact of, well, something with no empathy or tact. They were jaded by life for the most part and, to be honest, I didn't really like to talk about it that first year – or any other for that matter. I think most were completely oblivious that anything was wrong. I have no idea how far round work my loss had got, but it was all very 'carry on regardless'. In future years I would mention Dad in passing, but no-one really asked about him. I suppose if they didn't know they probably just thought he'd left – I mean, I admit it isn't common for a twenty-something to lose a parent, and he was so poorly that last year that for the four months I was at Spencer before he died no-one had seen him. Mum was my I.C.E contact – made sense as she would likely outlive my Dad.
People don't always seem to understand that I just don't do Christmassy at the moment. No doubt at some point in the future I will, but it's just a long time coming. I suppose part of the problem is the focus. In all probability if I had a family of my own it'd give me a reason to get into the spirit, but that's not the case. I'm lucky, if lucky is the right word, in that here there are 2 people in my new department who have experienced the same fairly recently and have an idea of how I'm feeling even after nearly four years. Yes. It will be four years come 29 December. I didn't think it'd take me this long to 'recover', but swings and roundabouts I guess. My manager mentioned that come December the Christmas tree would go up and they'd get all festive. He asked if that would be a problem– equality and inclusiveness in case I was a member of some religion that didn't do Christmas I guess, so I felt it was only fair to say that it wouldn't be a problem, but that I was likely to get very quiet at times and explained why. He was very understanding.
My first quiet period came yesterday. I'd been quiet all day – during the morning due to my bad week, and by mid-afternoon when I still hadn't said very much due to my depressive nature raising its head he asked if I was OK. I just said I was a bit pre-occupied and he said that even though he was busy with month end stuff, if I needed to talk …… I lost count of the number of times I nearly burst into tears, especially when stuff kept going wrong and I got even more down. Then at the end of the day, one of the other girls asked if I was OK because I'd been quiet. I told her I was just preoccupied – which is true, I just didn't say about what. At least they noticed here. I guess it comes back to the comfort level. I've been much more comfortable here than I ever was at Spencer, so my sociable side came out within the first week or so – something they never really saw at Spencer because of the attitude people had towards me which I've mentioned a couple of times previously. ;) They're more embracing here. I don't feel isolated. OK. There are times when I do but that's due more to me still trying to get to grips with how things work here, but my bubbly side has still come out. I don't feel uncomfortable like I did before. It just made my lack of interaction more noticeable – they didn't just assume it was my cold fish-ness coming out. I didn't mention any of this to Mum, although whilst out with Kerry last night, and still feeling a little bit down, I did tell her all about what had happened. We both decided that mentioning it to Mum would probably just make her worry about me and bring her down too. So it was me and Kerry against the depression. Lol!! I felt better for it, and I feel a bit more positive today, but we'll see what happens.
I don't think I used to be a deep thinker …… or an emotional wreck for that matter. It's like I've said before. On the one hand losing Dad was a positive. I decided I had to take life by the horns and go with it …… I didn't realise it'd be quite as tiring as it turned out to be though. Lol!! I still have my quiet periods -- those moments when something happens that cause me to dwell on my Dad and how things may have turned out. Then I remember that if he were still around I would still only be 10 years old. I wasn't allowed to spread my wings because he was very protective and old fashioned. I run my own life now. I do what I want when I want to. If there's a show I want to see all I need to do is ask Mum if it clashes with her social life and give Kerry a call/send a text/send an email (when it works!!)*. ;) There's very little holding me back these days …… now if only I could get a career I really love, marry a rock star or win the lottery ……
*Delete as applicable.
H.
xx
I've not been too fond of Christmas since that year. It's supposed to be a joyous affair and you hear people discussing how they're spending Christmas with family and how they've bought their folks this, that and the other and it just reminds me that half my parentage isn't around anymore. The first year was the worst. It was coming up to the anniversary and I'd forced myself to get out there and socialise in the hopes it'd take my mind off it, and for a little while it did. I was at work's Christmas do and you know how these things work. All the Christmassy songs come at the end of the night and I was fine with Slade and the like, but then Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' came over the disco and I started crying. Not all out sobbing, but enough to feel self-conscious. All I wanted for Christmas was my Dad. That was the longest 3.5 minutes of my life. I was just glad that it was dark and no-one could see, because Lord knows I doubt they'd understand. I think we've established that I'm a soft sod …… but don't tell anyone! ;)
Most of them had the empathy and tact of, well, something with no empathy or tact. They were jaded by life for the most part and, to be honest, I didn't really like to talk about it that first year – or any other for that matter. I think most were completely oblivious that anything was wrong. I have no idea how far round work my loss had got, but it was all very 'carry on regardless'. In future years I would mention Dad in passing, but no-one really asked about him. I suppose if they didn't know they probably just thought he'd left – I mean, I admit it isn't common for a twenty-something to lose a parent, and he was so poorly that last year that for the four months I was at Spencer before he died no-one had seen him. Mum was my I.C.E contact – made sense as she would likely outlive my Dad.
People don't always seem to understand that I just don't do Christmassy at the moment. No doubt at some point in the future I will, but it's just a long time coming. I suppose part of the problem is the focus. In all probability if I had a family of my own it'd give me a reason to get into the spirit, but that's not the case. I'm lucky, if lucky is the right word, in that here there are 2 people in my new department who have experienced the same fairly recently and have an idea of how I'm feeling even after nearly four years. Yes. It will be four years come 29 December. I didn't think it'd take me this long to 'recover', but swings and roundabouts I guess. My manager mentioned that come December the Christmas tree would go up and they'd get all festive. He asked if that would be a problem– equality and inclusiveness in case I was a member of some religion that didn't do Christmas I guess, so I felt it was only fair to say that it wouldn't be a problem, but that I was likely to get very quiet at times and explained why. He was very understanding.
My first quiet period came yesterday. I'd been quiet all day – during the morning due to my bad week, and by mid-afternoon when I still hadn't said very much due to my depressive nature raising its head he asked if I was OK. I just said I was a bit pre-occupied and he said that even though he was busy with month end stuff, if I needed to talk …… I lost count of the number of times I nearly burst into tears, especially when stuff kept going wrong and I got even more down. Then at the end of the day, one of the other girls asked if I was OK because I'd been quiet. I told her I was just preoccupied – which is true, I just didn't say about what. At least they noticed here. I guess it comes back to the comfort level. I've been much more comfortable here than I ever was at Spencer, so my sociable side came out within the first week or so – something they never really saw at Spencer because of the attitude people had towards me which I've mentioned a couple of times previously. ;) They're more embracing here. I don't feel isolated. OK. There are times when I do but that's due more to me still trying to get to grips with how things work here, but my bubbly side has still come out. I don't feel uncomfortable like I did before. It just made my lack of interaction more noticeable – they didn't just assume it was my cold fish-ness coming out. I didn't mention any of this to Mum, although whilst out with Kerry last night, and still feeling a little bit down, I did tell her all about what had happened. We both decided that mentioning it to Mum would probably just make her worry about me and bring her down too. So it was me and Kerry against the depression. Lol!! I felt better for it, and I feel a bit more positive today, but we'll see what happens.
I don't think I used to be a deep thinker …… or an emotional wreck for that matter. It's like I've said before. On the one hand losing Dad was a positive. I decided I had to take life by the horns and go with it …… I didn't realise it'd be quite as tiring as it turned out to be though. Lol!! I still have my quiet periods -- those moments when something happens that cause me to dwell on my Dad and how things may have turned out. Then I remember that if he were still around I would still only be 10 years old. I wasn't allowed to spread my wings because he was very protective and old fashioned. I run my own life now. I do what I want when I want to. If there's a show I want to see all I need to do is ask Mum if it clashes with her social life and give Kerry a call/send a text/send an email (when it works!!)*. ;) There's very little holding me back these days …… now if only I could get a career I really love, marry a rock star or win the lottery ……
*Delete as applicable.
H.
xx
Tuesday 6 November 2007
Further Adventures In Job-Hunting: The Unemployed Strikes Back
Some of you have already heard my news. But I figured I'd do a penultimate blog regarding my time as an unemployed. It's been a condition that has been played out over the last 50 million blogs (Okay, okay, eight or nine).
I've hated being an unemployed. It cramped my ability to buy boots at will …… kind of, I know I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to shoes, and Kerry will confirm that my resolve crumbled more than once and on more than just boots. Thankfully my penchant for shopping didn't interfere too much with my actual savings. I was able to use my redundancy payment to fund my habit, and I think there may still be some of it left which is always good. But that is now a thing of the past, as I am now about to rejoin the world of the Employed, albeit on a temporary basis to start. No doubt by the time January rolls round I shall be complaining about not being able to afford shoes again, but as long as I have managed to fund my Bon Jovi tickets by the time the contract ends, I will be happy.
It's weird really. I was out with Kerry on Sunday night and told her how I had two interviews coming up on Monday. I mentioned how they were both temporary and as you all know I was looking for something permanent, but at this point, deep down I knew I couldn't be picky. So I duly went to the two interviews – the first one at 9am in Scunthorpe and the second one at 11am in Grimsby. I saw quite a lot of the M180/A180 yesterday. I now know it almost intimately, as I had to be back in Scunthorpe at 1pm for college.
Monday morning started off badly. I knew where I was going for the interview so figured I could leave at 8.30 and still get there with time to spare forgetting that it was in fact rush hour on a Monday morning. Consequently I hit (thought not literally) every lollipop lady, lorry and school bus from here to Scunthorpe, and arrived a few minutes late for my interview. I think I may have got away with it a little bit though as the receptionist was away from her station so as far as they now I could have been waiting there for ages. Although I possibly gave myself away by signing the visitors book as arriving at 9.05, but I apologised to the interviewer and he was OK with it by all accounts. So we go into a very nice looking conference type room for the interview. It was uneventful. I simply told them how it was with me. I was surprisingly calm actually. I think I need to listen to New Jersey a bit more often – it hypes me up. You know how Rocky went into the ring to 'Eye of the Tiger'?? The New Jersey album does that to me. I think it's something to do with the guitars. ;) I was calm and composed despite my tardiness and after 10-15 minutes in this interview I left. I considered for a moment actually going home between interviews but it hardly seemed worth it for 10 minutes and the dogs getting over-excited, so decided to head straight out and down the M180/A180 to Grimsby. It's a good thing too …...
I got into Grimsby at 10am and spent over an hour trying to find the company I was interviewing with. There was absolutely no signage to the business park where it lived so I drove down the same stretch of Victoria Street, Freeman Street and Peaks Parkway several times probably looking like a right twat. At 10.45 I still wasn't getting anywhere so gave in and phoned them up to say "Help!! I'm buggered. I can't find you!!" Okay, so I didn't use that ACTUAL terminology but it's what I felt like saying. The directions I was given were useless, specifying going past the library which as far as could see (or couldn't, as the case may be!!) wasn't signposted, and the one-way system that's in play in the heart of Grimsby is a bugger to be sure. I was literally directed into the premises over the phone a whole 20 minutes late. I was interviewed by a couple of young lads -- it's a bit disconcerting when you're being interviewed by high-ranking people who seem younger than you – and had a numeracy test sprung on me which didn't seem entirely fair. They left me alone for 20 minutes to do it and re-emerged complete with a Financial Director type with shades of Brian, the guy I worked for prior to Paul, who I NEVER liked. Smug, smarmy, and over complicating. This guy struck me as from the same stock and I took an instant dislike to him. I honestly tried not to let it show, but he seemed to be the type that forces you into a bit of a corner with questions by wanting to sound intelligent and instead confusing a person, especially a person who hasn't learnt how he expresses himself. It was all well and good him asking the two guys he worked with if he was expressing it clearly, but it made me look like a fucking prick which got my back up even more.
I got out there at 12.20. I had to be back in Scunthorpe for 1pm – that's a 45-50 minute journey on a good day and I got lost again trying to get out of Grimsby's one-way system. I'm expecting the speeding tickets through my door any day now. It was an entertaining journey back to Scunthorpe for all of 10 minutes as a coach went up the embankment on the slip road to the A15 and there were cranes and ambulances and shit trying to move it. As you'd expect a tailback ensued and I felt a need to hit 80mph a bit more briskly once we got past it. Word of advice though. Don't even contemplate trying to text a friend to say you've had a flash from the past when surrounded by lorries. Not that I hit or was I hit by owt, but lorries on 3 sides of you even when concentrating fully is still a scary prospect. The number of times I've seen them drift across lanes ……
Thankfully my inappropriate driving got me to Scunthorpe in one piece and only a few minutes late for college, and I settled down to some learning. All was good and then my phone started ringing. It was a private number and there was no voicemail left so not knowing who it was I ignored it …… and it rang again later. Again same situation – private number, no voicemail. And then it rang again. Same private number and this time there was a voicemail. It was from Bev, one of my contacts at Sewell Moorhouse congratulating me on my new job …… what job?? I didn't know anything about a job. I hadn't accepted any offers yet. What was she talking about?? So I rang her back to ask what she was waffling about. Turns out that she'd put her foot in it and that Sam (also from Sewell) had been trying to get hold of me to tell me that the company in Scunthorpe wanted to take me on. So of course I said yes. My other interviews hadn't been that successful so I grabbed this one with both hands. I start tomorrow. It's quite handy really. It's literally round the corner from where Mum works so I can get a ride in with her which means that most of my petrol can go towards jaunting. Sounds selfish but she drives a Diesel which is currently cheaper here. Lol!!
On the one hand I'm disappointed because, let's be honest, it's nice to not have to get up and go into work, but on the other hand £200 a month was not going to do it for me and I'm bored stupid. You can only spend so many hours watching chat shows and visiting the same five or six websites every day in case you've missed owt during the last 5 minutes. This job is a nice bit of experience for a few months, a cash injection and just in time for Christmas. Come January I may be complaining about unemployment again but we're jumping ahead a bit here. Who knows what will happen ……
So there it is. My final "Further Adventures" blog …… for the moment anyway. We'll see what happens next. Thank you to all who have sent out the positive vibes and told me that something WILL come up for me. Guess it did.
Massive *hugs* to you all ……
I've hated being an unemployed. It cramped my ability to buy boots at will …… kind of, I know I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to shoes, and Kerry will confirm that my resolve crumbled more than once and on more than just boots. Thankfully my penchant for shopping didn't interfere too much with my actual savings. I was able to use my redundancy payment to fund my habit, and I think there may still be some of it left which is always good. But that is now a thing of the past, as I am now about to rejoin the world of the Employed, albeit on a temporary basis to start. No doubt by the time January rolls round I shall be complaining about not being able to afford shoes again, but as long as I have managed to fund my Bon Jovi tickets by the time the contract ends, I will be happy.
It's weird really. I was out with Kerry on Sunday night and told her how I had two interviews coming up on Monday. I mentioned how they were both temporary and as you all know I was looking for something permanent, but at this point, deep down I knew I couldn't be picky. So I duly went to the two interviews – the first one at 9am in Scunthorpe and the second one at 11am in Grimsby. I saw quite a lot of the M180/A180 yesterday. I now know it almost intimately, as I had to be back in Scunthorpe at 1pm for college.
Monday morning started off badly. I knew where I was going for the interview so figured I could leave at 8.30 and still get there with time to spare forgetting that it was in fact rush hour on a Monday morning. Consequently I hit (thought not literally) every lollipop lady, lorry and school bus from here to Scunthorpe, and arrived a few minutes late for my interview. I think I may have got away with it a little bit though as the receptionist was away from her station so as far as they now I could have been waiting there for ages. Although I possibly gave myself away by signing the visitors book as arriving at 9.05, but I apologised to the interviewer and he was OK with it by all accounts. So we go into a very nice looking conference type room for the interview. It was uneventful. I simply told them how it was with me. I was surprisingly calm actually. I think I need to listen to New Jersey a bit more often – it hypes me up. You know how Rocky went into the ring to 'Eye of the Tiger'?? The New Jersey album does that to me. I think it's something to do with the guitars. ;) I was calm and composed despite my tardiness and after 10-15 minutes in this interview I left. I considered for a moment actually going home between interviews but it hardly seemed worth it for 10 minutes and the dogs getting over-excited, so decided to head straight out and down the M180/A180 to Grimsby. It's a good thing too …...
I got into Grimsby at 10am and spent over an hour trying to find the company I was interviewing with. There was absolutely no signage to the business park where it lived so I drove down the same stretch of Victoria Street, Freeman Street and Peaks Parkway several times probably looking like a right twat. At 10.45 I still wasn't getting anywhere so gave in and phoned them up to say "Help!! I'm buggered. I can't find you!!" Okay, so I didn't use that ACTUAL terminology but it's what I felt like saying. The directions I was given were useless, specifying going past the library which as far as could see (or couldn't, as the case may be!!) wasn't signposted, and the one-way system that's in play in the heart of Grimsby is a bugger to be sure. I was literally directed into the premises over the phone a whole 20 minutes late. I was interviewed by a couple of young lads -- it's a bit disconcerting when you're being interviewed by high-ranking people who seem younger than you – and had a numeracy test sprung on me which didn't seem entirely fair. They left me alone for 20 minutes to do it and re-emerged complete with a Financial Director type with shades of Brian, the guy I worked for prior to Paul, who I NEVER liked. Smug, smarmy, and over complicating. This guy struck me as from the same stock and I took an instant dislike to him. I honestly tried not to let it show, but he seemed to be the type that forces you into a bit of a corner with questions by wanting to sound intelligent and instead confusing a person, especially a person who hasn't learnt how he expresses himself. It was all well and good him asking the two guys he worked with if he was expressing it clearly, but it made me look like a fucking prick which got my back up even more.
I got out there at 12.20. I had to be back in Scunthorpe for 1pm – that's a 45-50 minute journey on a good day and I got lost again trying to get out of Grimsby's one-way system. I'm expecting the speeding tickets through my door any day now. It was an entertaining journey back to Scunthorpe for all of 10 minutes as a coach went up the embankment on the slip road to the A15 and there were cranes and ambulances and shit trying to move it. As you'd expect a tailback ensued and I felt a need to hit 80mph a bit more briskly once we got past it. Word of advice though. Don't even contemplate trying to text a friend to say you've had a flash from the past when surrounded by lorries. Not that I hit or was I hit by owt, but lorries on 3 sides of you even when concentrating fully is still a scary prospect. The number of times I've seen them drift across lanes ……
Thankfully my inappropriate driving got me to Scunthorpe in one piece and only a few minutes late for college, and I settled down to some learning. All was good and then my phone started ringing. It was a private number and there was no voicemail left so not knowing who it was I ignored it …… and it rang again later. Again same situation – private number, no voicemail. And then it rang again. Same private number and this time there was a voicemail. It was from Bev, one of my contacts at Sewell Moorhouse congratulating me on my new job …… what job?? I didn't know anything about a job. I hadn't accepted any offers yet. What was she talking about?? So I rang her back to ask what she was waffling about. Turns out that she'd put her foot in it and that Sam (also from Sewell) had been trying to get hold of me to tell me that the company in Scunthorpe wanted to take me on. So of course I said yes. My other interviews hadn't been that successful so I grabbed this one with both hands. I start tomorrow. It's quite handy really. It's literally round the corner from where Mum works so I can get a ride in with her which means that most of my petrol can go towards jaunting. Sounds selfish but she drives a Diesel which is currently cheaper here. Lol!!
On the one hand I'm disappointed because, let's be honest, it's nice to not have to get up and go into work, but on the other hand £200 a month was not going to do it for me and I'm bored stupid. You can only spend so many hours watching chat shows and visiting the same five or six websites every day in case you've missed owt during the last 5 minutes. This job is a nice bit of experience for a few months, a cash injection and just in time for Christmas. Come January I may be complaining about unemployment again but we're jumping ahead a bit here. Who knows what will happen ……
So there it is. My final "Further Adventures" blog …… for the moment anyway. We'll see what happens next. Thank you to all who have sent out the positive vibes and told me that something WILL come up for me. Guess it did.
Massive *hugs* to you all ……
Saturday 20 October 2007
Further Adventures In Job Hunting: The Latest Job Interview
As I mentioned early – and I mean EARLY!!! 1.47 am!! My Lordy!! – on Wednesday morning, I had a job interview the other day. I'm guessing by now that you've reached the conclusion, unless I made a point of texting you about it, that I didn't get the job. Yep. One more to add to the list of people who don't want me *sniff*. The job was for a food company in Elsham. Basically they spend their days chopping up Onions and Potatoes into various shapes and forms and shipping them off to other companies to use in whatever foods they use potatoes and onions in. If successful, I wouldn't have been spending my days, knife in hand, peeling potatoes and chopping them into messes. I'd have been working in the Accounts department doing, erm, accounts. By the sounds of it I would have been mainly responsible for the Sales Ledger and the weekly payroll (of about 20 folk), but I also got the impression I would have been needed to cover for other accounts things. Not a problem – I'd done it before I can do it again!! Lol!!
I left about an hour early, unnecessarily it turned out. I needed to get to the Job Centre to fill out a Travel to Interview form which basically pays me travel for anything over 4 miles. I had to ask Worse-than-useless-bint, but at least she just got on with it this time. I filled it in at the Job Centre and handed it back before heading back out to the car at a fair old pace. While I was getting in the car I saw one of the guys from work and had a quick chat. Just glad I didn't look a state – not that I would want to pull him, he's not my type, there I was all dressed up in my interview clothes not looking desperate.
I'm not sure what to make of the interview though. Cue the groans from the audience. What I mean to say is the interviewers were nice enough. I was interviewed by the Financial Controller and the Office Manager, but it seemed that aside from getting an impression of me they had very little idea as to the particulars of remuneration – that's a couple of big words for this time of day especially a Saturday. They'd seen the salary level that Sewell Moorhouse had put on my CV, and said they needed to discuss this with the MD – fair 'nuff, and they had to check whether I'd be granted study leave for my AAT on Mondays. Then I asked about any benefit package, i.e. Health insurance, pension, that kind of thing, and they said they didn't know …… filled me with confidence don'tcha think. The interview lasted all of 15 minutes and seemed promising, and they said they'd get back to Bev as soon as possible.
Bev called me at about 3pm to tell me that she'd heard from the guy, and he'd said that I didn't have enough relevant experience. She hastened to add that that was the only negative thing he had to say so that cheered me up some – I'm not a total loss then. Suffice it to say that, despite my disappointment, I renewed my efforts Wednesday afternoon to apply for jobs – found about four or five which I've sent applications off for. Thankfully no more awkward questions on application forms – speaking of which, I never got around to finishing that application for the council – I just couldn't think of what to put under the heading of 'Knowledge', although thinking about it now, the nature of that job involved home visits to demented, scary, unstable, thick or possibly violent people and you know what a nervous wreck I can be sometimes. Nope. When I thought about it some, as much as I would love to earn £17k a year, the stress may have killed me!! Lol!!
I left about an hour early, unnecessarily it turned out. I needed to get to the Job Centre to fill out a Travel to Interview form which basically pays me travel for anything over 4 miles. I had to ask Worse-than-useless-bint, but at least she just got on with it this time. I filled it in at the Job Centre and handed it back before heading back out to the car at a fair old pace. While I was getting in the car I saw one of the guys from work and had a quick chat. Just glad I didn't look a state – not that I would want to pull him, he's not my type, there I was all dressed up in my interview clothes not looking desperate.
I'm not sure what to make of the interview though. Cue the groans from the audience. What I mean to say is the interviewers were nice enough. I was interviewed by the Financial Controller and the Office Manager, but it seemed that aside from getting an impression of me they had very little idea as to the particulars of remuneration – that's a couple of big words for this time of day especially a Saturday. They'd seen the salary level that Sewell Moorhouse had put on my CV, and said they needed to discuss this with the MD – fair 'nuff, and they had to check whether I'd be granted study leave for my AAT on Mondays. Then I asked about any benefit package, i.e. Health insurance, pension, that kind of thing, and they said they didn't know …… filled me with confidence don'tcha think. The interview lasted all of 15 minutes and seemed promising, and they said they'd get back to Bev as soon as possible.
Bev called me at about 3pm to tell me that she'd heard from the guy, and he'd said that I didn't have enough relevant experience. She hastened to add that that was the only negative thing he had to say so that cheered me up some – I'm not a total loss then. Suffice it to say that, despite my disappointment, I renewed my efforts Wednesday afternoon to apply for jobs – found about four or five which I've sent applications off for. Thankfully no more awkward questions on application forms – speaking of which, I never got around to finishing that application for the council – I just couldn't think of what to put under the heading of 'Knowledge', although thinking about it now, the nature of that job involved home visits to demented, scary, unstable, thick or possibly violent people and you know what a nervous wreck I can be sometimes. Nope. When I thought about it some, as much as I would love to earn £17k a year, the stress may have killed me!! Lol!!
Friday 19 October 2007
Further Adventures In Job Hunting: What Is The Problem??
I told Kerry that my next blog would be a happier affair but a) I haven't had any inspiration, and b) I've been getting more and more irritated with my lack of employment. I've actually been quite down about it lately and I'm not sure why it's going so badly.
I worked out my response percentage the other day. Now, I'm not talking just the number of jobs I've been offered interviews for, but the amount of general correspondence and such that I've received. It works out that in the few months I've been unemployed I've applied for 23 jobs in Accounts and other areas and had a grand total of 2 interviews, 1 confirmation and 1 "Sorry, we had such a great response that we've already started the selection process." (Note that this letter came out PRIOR to the closing date). The rest haven't bothered to get back to me even to say Yay or Nay to whether they've received my application.
It's got to the point where I'm beginning to wonder why I'm even bothering. I'm now so low that I'm getting to the point where I'm on the brink of giving up all together. I mean, what is it?? Am I under-qualified? Am I over-qualified? Am I setting my sights to high? Am I applying for the wrong jobs even though I'm going for stuff with the same title as I've already had, or jobs that I have a bit of experience in? Is the fact that I state on my CV that I've done a bit of everything with regard to accounts and that Spencer actually did me a disservice by shuffling me from pillar to post? Is the fact that I would require 1 afternoon a week off to continue my AAT putting people off? I just have no clue. Answers on a postcard please ……
My feeling of self-worth has been further damaged by my experience of signing on this morning. You remember the worse-than-useless bint I ended up speaking to the last time?? Well I had the pleasure of seeing her again today and spent the session feeling worthless. It wasn't so much anything she said as the air she had about her and the way she spoke to me. I got the distinct impression that she was treating me like something she'd stepped in. I want to be able to see Marion again. She's got a few braincells. She asked me what I was doing to get work, all of which is on my record anyway, and then started going on about the agreement I signed when I first went in. One of the things it says is that I'm to phone two employers a week. Now this is where I sound like a snob, but that's all well and good if you're illiterate, or looking for factory or shop work -- they're always looking for people. But the jobs I'm looking at and am qualified for need planning y'know? They're not jobs that people hand out willy-nilly because there're all kinds of confidentiality issues and a certain skill set. So she's really pissed me off. It's almost like she thinks that me checking all the websites, which incidentally have vacancies from all kinds of companies, means I'm slacking. Does it?? So I don't physically pick up a phone and make a nuisance of myself, but it's still contact with employers and there's no box on the form which say apply for 'x' number of jobs a week. I could spend the rest of my life just phoning people about job availability, never take a single one of them and still be holding up my end of the agreement, but I wasn't built that way. I know jobs in my 'specialty' area are thin on the ground at the mo' but I'm still looking. I'm even moving outside of accounts to find a job. I think I've applied for pretty much everything going, and it pisses me off that she's treating me like I've been on the dole for years, not bothered to do anything and that it's all my fault. I'd be happy to be back at work -- if I had my way I'd still be sticking it out at Spencer -- oh there's another tale there, but we'll get to that later -- and searching on the side, but it didn't work out like that.
Something else that is seriously getting on my wick is the complete lack of contact from some agencies that shall remain nameless. I've been applying for jobs advertised by this particular agency off my own back – yay me >_> – but they're jobs that my contact at the agency should be telling me about and putting me up for. I'm also hearing nothing back from them, so either the Scunthorpe office aren't sending my applications over to Grimsby, or she's poo-poohing them because she thinks they're speculative enquiries and they're not the salary level I originally said I was looking at – they're not that far off in all honesty. To add insult to injury, whilst at the Job Centre this morning Worse-than-useless-bint ran me off a job placed by my very own contact, in my job area, and in my locality (4 miles down the road in fact!!) that she has never approached me with. I don't even know if she's doing anything for me at her end because I haven't heard from her since our first contact. I swear she's trying to place me in temping work for £6.50 an hour – that's what she was pushing for when I went in. That form she made me sign, but nothing's come of that either.
Back to the Spencer thing. A fortnight ago when I went into the Job Centre I spotted a job placed by a company which sounded very similar to Spencer. Worse-than-useless-bint spotted that one this morning and asked me if I wanted the details of it and lo and behold, when the name of the company popped up on-screen it was Spencer. I'm sure she rolled her eyes when I said "No. They're my previous employers. They didn't want me a couple of months back so I doubt they'll want me now" even though they wouldn't need to train me up so much. ;) They're after a Purchase Ledger person …… it's funny that 2 months ago they didn't need me, but you couldn't PAY me to go back there no matter how desperate I am. I went through too much there to even consider going back. It would be under a different manager who seems fair (and whom Vicky and friends rarely had a good word to say about), but the politics of the place and the attitude towards me there just did my head in. The purchase ledger department were a bit more forgiving, but the bitchiness was still there – not towards me as far as I know, but I suppose with an office full of women it's bound to happen. But no. I couldn't go back. I always took the piss (in a nice way of course) out of the returning workers, but always swore that once I was out, I'd stay out. Besides, my history with them would very possibly put them off anyway. And I think I'm still sore that I worked my arse off for them without as much as a thank you but that's by-the-by.
On the plus side, after bemoaning my inability to go shopping Jo has offered me her job so I can buy shoes but it'd backfire for her then!! ;) She's a girl after my own heart so I'd be able to shop, but she'd be buggered!! ;)
Really truthfully I'm trying to think of a fun blog. Kerry recommended an examination of musicians 'talents' but I think that's one where you'd have to have heard the conversation to get the gist. No doubt, for those in attendance on Saturday, it will come up in conversation – and I've got a new one that was a product of frivolity – or just simple foot-in-mouth -- in my Sage class last night.
In the meantime, I think I'm going to finish my latest application form (I've got to that annoying question you get in all Council application forms where you have to be creative with your answers), have another look for gainful employment, do my homework whilst bitching about Boycie having eaten my relatively new mouse I got for my laptop and now having to use one of those shitty mini mice that shoot all over the page without warning while I wait for the new one to turn up, in turn bitching about Royal Mail strikes because I have a couple of things on order that I could do with, and a very important cheque on it's way out, and additionally trying not to visit Myspace/Facebook/P&P/Richie-s/Youtube etc.* That's it -- I'm totally buggered!! ;)
* Delete as applicable
H.
xx
I worked out my response percentage the other day. Now, I'm not talking just the number of jobs I've been offered interviews for, but the amount of general correspondence and such that I've received. It works out that in the few months I've been unemployed I've applied for 23 jobs in Accounts and other areas and had a grand total of 2 interviews, 1 confirmation and 1 "Sorry, we had such a great response that we've already started the selection process." (Note that this letter came out PRIOR to the closing date). The rest haven't bothered to get back to me even to say Yay or Nay to whether they've received my application.
It's got to the point where I'm beginning to wonder why I'm even bothering. I'm now so low that I'm getting to the point where I'm on the brink of giving up all together. I mean, what is it?? Am I under-qualified? Am I over-qualified? Am I setting my sights to high? Am I applying for the wrong jobs even though I'm going for stuff with the same title as I've already had, or jobs that I have a bit of experience in? Is the fact that I state on my CV that I've done a bit of everything with regard to accounts and that Spencer actually did me a disservice by shuffling me from pillar to post? Is the fact that I would require 1 afternoon a week off to continue my AAT putting people off? I just have no clue. Answers on a postcard please ……
My feeling of self-worth has been further damaged by my experience of signing on this morning. You remember the worse-than-useless bint I ended up speaking to the last time?? Well I had the pleasure of seeing her again today and spent the session feeling worthless. It wasn't so much anything she said as the air she had about her and the way she spoke to me. I got the distinct impression that she was treating me like something she'd stepped in. I want to be able to see Marion again. She's got a few braincells. She asked me what I was doing to get work, all of which is on my record anyway, and then started going on about the agreement I signed when I first went in. One of the things it says is that I'm to phone two employers a week. Now this is where I sound like a snob, but that's all well and good if you're illiterate, or looking for factory or shop work -- they're always looking for people. But the jobs I'm looking at and am qualified for need planning y'know? They're not jobs that people hand out willy-nilly because there're all kinds of confidentiality issues and a certain skill set. So she's really pissed me off. It's almost like she thinks that me checking all the websites, which incidentally have vacancies from all kinds of companies, means I'm slacking. Does it?? So I don't physically pick up a phone and make a nuisance of myself, but it's still contact with employers and there's no box on the form which say apply for 'x' number of jobs a week. I could spend the rest of my life just phoning people about job availability, never take a single one of them and still be holding up my end of the agreement, but I wasn't built that way. I know jobs in my 'specialty' area are thin on the ground at the mo' but I'm still looking. I'm even moving outside of accounts to find a job. I think I've applied for pretty much everything going, and it pisses me off that she's treating me like I've been on the dole for years, not bothered to do anything and that it's all my fault. I'd be happy to be back at work -- if I had my way I'd still be sticking it out at Spencer -- oh there's another tale there, but we'll get to that later -- and searching on the side, but it didn't work out like that.
Something else that is seriously getting on my wick is the complete lack of contact from some agencies that shall remain nameless. I've been applying for jobs advertised by this particular agency off my own back – yay me >_> – but they're jobs that my contact at the agency should be telling me about and putting me up for. I'm also hearing nothing back from them, so either the Scunthorpe office aren't sending my applications over to Grimsby, or she's poo-poohing them because she thinks they're speculative enquiries and they're not the salary level I originally said I was looking at – they're not that far off in all honesty. To add insult to injury, whilst at the Job Centre this morning Worse-than-useless-bint ran me off a job placed by my very own contact, in my job area, and in my locality (4 miles down the road in fact!!) that she has never approached me with. I don't even know if she's doing anything for me at her end because I haven't heard from her since our first contact. I swear she's trying to place me in temping work for £6.50 an hour – that's what she was pushing for when I went in. That form she made me sign, but nothing's come of that either.
Back to the Spencer thing. A fortnight ago when I went into the Job Centre I spotted a job placed by a company which sounded very similar to Spencer. Worse-than-useless-bint spotted that one this morning and asked me if I wanted the details of it and lo and behold, when the name of the company popped up on-screen it was Spencer. I'm sure she rolled her eyes when I said "No. They're my previous employers. They didn't want me a couple of months back so I doubt they'll want me now" even though they wouldn't need to train me up so much. ;) They're after a Purchase Ledger person …… it's funny that 2 months ago they didn't need me, but you couldn't PAY me to go back there no matter how desperate I am. I went through too much there to even consider going back. It would be under a different manager who seems fair (and whom Vicky and friends rarely had a good word to say about), but the politics of the place and the attitude towards me there just did my head in. The purchase ledger department were a bit more forgiving, but the bitchiness was still there – not towards me as far as I know, but I suppose with an office full of women it's bound to happen. But no. I couldn't go back. I always took the piss (in a nice way of course) out of the returning workers, but always swore that once I was out, I'd stay out. Besides, my history with them would very possibly put them off anyway. And I think I'm still sore that I worked my arse off for them without as much as a thank you but that's by-the-by.
On the plus side, after bemoaning my inability to go shopping Jo has offered me her job so I can buy shoes but it'd backfire for her then!! ;) She's a girl after my own heart so I'd be able to shop, but she'd be buggered!! ;)
Really truthfully I'm trying to think of a fun blog. Kerry recommended an examination of musicians 'talents' but I think that's one where you'd have to have heard the conversation to get the gist. No doubt, for those in attendance on Saturday, it will come up in conversation – and I've got a new one that was a product of frivolity – or just simple foot-in-mouth -- in my Sage class last night.
In the meantime, I think I'm going to finish my latest application form (I've got to that annoying question you get in all Council application forms where you have to be creative with your answers), have another look for gainful employment, do my homework whilst bitching about Boycie having eaten my relatively new mouse I got for my laptop and now having to use one of those shitty mini mice that shoot all over the page without warning while I wait for the new one to turn up, in turn bitching about Royal Mail strikes because I have a couple of things on order that I could do with, and a very important cheque on it's way out, and additionally trying not to visit Myspace/Facebook/P&P/Richie-s/Youtube etc.* That's it -- I'm totally buggered!! ;)
* Delete as applicable
H.
xx
Tuesday 25 September 2007
Further Adventures In Job Hunting: From The Sublime To The Ridiculous
Today was my day to sign on again. I went in thinking everything was hunky dory and that I'd be in and out there in a flash. Unfortunately, as we've all gathered by now, nothing is that simple where the DWP is involved. You all know that I decided to start doing my AAT. My reasons were three-fold: 1) It will improve my chances of gaining employment, 2) it's something I've been considering for sometime, and 3) it would stop me going stir crazy by sitting at home all day in front of various mind-numbing talk shows. We'll gloss over the fact that the college is also kicking off about my proof of JSA, but suffice it to say they've now decided the letter I gave them proves nothing bar a single payment. Luckily I got another letter confirming receipt of JSA so I've got to do that on Monday as well!! Anywho ......
Now, a fortnight ago when I signed on I mentioned to the lady I was speaking to that I had started doing this course and she gave me a form to complete, which I duly completed as far as it instructed me to. I dug out my learning agreement and took both in today because Lord knows I don't know what happens next – now I wish I hadn't said ANYTHING. This is the kicker. I ended up speaking to another woman today who had a quick look through the form and told me there was another bit I needed to fill in. Fair enough, I didn't think anything of it until I got to one particular question, and I quote: "Question 17 – Are you willing and able to take up employment immediately if it is offered? Yes or No. If No Please state how quickly you can give up the course to take up employment."
Now, I realise now that I didn't necessarily read this question properly the first time, so asked her if I had to give up the course if I was offered employment, but rather than talk me through the bastard thing as you'd expect her to be meant to, after asking me how long the course was, (and I'm guessing, without reading the answers I had put in already and mentioning that I'd missed one out!!) and me explaining to her that it was a course I need to do to get employed, she just said "Yes. JSA won't pay for someone just to do a course. Now it'd be different if it were for four or five weeks, we may be able to come to some arrangement, but because it's a year ……" Now is it just me or are these people paid to actually help people out?? I explained to her it was part-time one afternoon a week but she wasn't budging from her DWP rhetoric – sticking to the script and then just making me an appointment to talk to an adviser. I think because I said it was a year long course that she assumed it was full time, but it isn't and that is stated on the form.
The system is run like a conveyor belt, one in for ten minutes then gone. So I came out of there pissed off beyond all measure – I could have understood it if it had been a pottery course, or watercolour painting, or flower arranging. It strikes me as funny that they will willingly pay for someone to do fuck-all all day, every day, forever and a day, but the minute someone says they're trying to do something that will help them to find work that they'd be happy doing instead of taking ANYTHING to placate the Job Centre, and then winding up back on the dole a few weeks later because they're not suited for what they've taken on, that it's a completely different attitude.
Try to help yourself and you're buggered. Do nothing to help yourself, claim all kinds of benefits which you duly spend on fags or down the bookies, and they keep handing the money over it seems.
I was right before. The system is …… Shit!!!
Now, a fortnight ago when I signed on I mentioned to the lady I was speaking to that I had started doing this course and she gave me a form to complete, which I duly completed as far as it instructed me to. I dug out my learning agreement and took both in today because Lord knows I don't know what happens next – now I wish I hadn't said ANYTHING. This is the kicker. I ended up speaking to another woman today who had a quick look through the form and told me there was another bit I needed to fill in. Fair enough, I didn't think anything of it until I got to one particular question, and I quote: "Question 17 – Are you willing and able to take up employment immediately if it is offered? Yes or No. If No Please state how quickly you can give up the course to take up employment."
Now, I realise now that I didn't necessarily read this question properly the first time, so asked her if I had to give up the course if I was offered employment, but rather than talk me through the bastard thing as you'd expect her to be meant to, after asking me how long the course was, (and I'm guessing, without reading the answers I had put in already and mentioning that I'd missed one out!!) and me explaining to her that it was a course I need to do to get employed, she just said "Yes. JSA won't pay for someone just to do a course. Now it'd be different if it were for four or five weeks, we may be able to come to some arrangement, but because it's a year ……" Now is it just me or are these people paid to actually help people out?? I explained to her it was part-time one afternoon a week but she wasn't budging from her DWP rhetoric – sticking to the script and then just making me an appointment to talk to an adviser. I think because I said it was a year long course that she assumed it was full time, but it isn't and that is stated on the form.
The system is run like a conveyor belt, one in for ten minutes then gone. So I came out of there pissed off beyond all measure – I could have understood it if it had been a pottery course, or watercolour painting, or flower arranging. It strikes me as funny that they will willingly pay for someone to do fuck-all all day, every day, forever and a day, but the minute someone says they're trying to do something that will help them to find work that they'd be happy doing instead of taking ANYTHING to placate the Job Centre, and then winding up back on the dole a few weeks later because they're not suited for what they've taken on, that it's a completely different attitude.
Try to help yourself and you're buggered. Do nothing to help yourself, claim all kinds of benefits which you duly spend on fags or down the bookies, and they keep handing the money over it seems.
I was right before. The system is …… Shit!!!
Wednesday 12 September 2007
Further Adventures In Job Hunting: The First Day Of School
Well, Monday was my first day back at school – or rather college!! I was a little bit apprehensive – I mean who wouldn't be after not having set foot in a classroom in any way, shape, form or capacity for nine years – uni doesn't count because they didn't look like classrooms and you had lectures rather than lessons – it's a thin line but it's still a line!! Lol!!
I had to stop at the Adult Education Centre on the way to pay my exam fee for the Sage course – unfortunately the DWP won't pay it for me so I've had to cough up the grand total of £45 and change, but that's by-the-by. That took longer than expected because the woman I needed to see was on the phone – that'll learn me to not make appointments to let them know I'd be coming!! Lol!! As soon as that was paid I had to head on to college – Christ it sounds weird saying that!! I thought my days of education were way behind me – especially when it came to training for my working life – the odd 'fun' course -- y'know the ones, pottery, painting with watercolours, creative writing -- I would probably have found myself doing at 50 is a different matter, but a course with actual textbooks?!?!? I felt about 16 again!!
I got to the college at about 12.15 because I had in my mind that it didn't kick off until 12.30, but I'm jumping ahead of myself here. Before I hit the classroom I had to finish my enrolment for the course. Those of you that have read the last blog know there was a problem with evidence of JSA – it didn't get any better. I'd had a letter the day after the original enrolment date telling them about some backdated benefit and phoned the college to see if that was evidence enough. I explained that the letter had my address, the processing centres address, my NI number, bank details and enough detail (I thought!!) for them to accept it as evidence and the woman I spoke to said it was fine. Well, I got there and handed it over to what turned out to be a proper jobsworth type, who was about to kick off as it only mentioned the backdated JSA. I explained that and told her I'd been told that this letter was OK and she begrudgingly accepted it. By-the-by I got another letter from the DWP this morning explaining the arrangements for my JSA from now until whenever so that would've been handy on Monday!! Anyway, as I was saying, I gave her this letter and she did what she needed to do with it and gave me back my copy of the enrolment form – she actually wanted to keep this letter and seemed surprised when asking if I wanted a copy (bear in mind this is evidentiary material that the DWP have sent out to me to record an unusual sum of money they've paid me!!) and I asked for the original back!! Methinks she thought because I'm on benefit that I don't know a thing or two – at least I know first hand that the stigma of being on benefit isn't imaginary. Maybe after this I'll have a bit more compassion for those who are on it because how do I know what their situation is?? Although, if we're talking about those who take advantage because they reckon they're better off out of work than in it, I reserve the right to change my mind. I'm already sick of people looking down their nose at me because OBVIOUSLY I'm a lazy bitch who doesn't want to work!! Ooops. Bit of a tangent there …… back to the story ……
With enrolment done she was all set to just send me on my merry way with no indication of where I was supposed to be going. She was just about ready to turf me unceremoniously out on my arse to fend for myself, so I quickly piped up "Where do I go now??" and with a definite air of annoyance she said "Go to reception and ask them. They'll tell you where to go" Gee thanks, that's nice of you to deign to freely share that bit of information with me – note the sarcasm!! On my way out I had a quick look at the form and found out he'd put a 12pm start on it …… I was sure he'd said 12.30 on the phone …… and it said 1pm on the leaflet …… now I was confuzzled. The lass at reception was much nicer, even if she was run off her feet, and directed me upstairs to the classroom. I spent the walk to the room thinking "Wow, you're making a fantastic impression here, Hannah!! Half an hour late on your first day!! Well done!! Have a chocolate biscuit!!" and trying to think of some excuse for my tardiness – should I blame traffic or errands that ran late or should I just bite the bullet and admit to my belief that the class didn't start until 12.30. I was still trying to find the excuse when I got the room. There were a few other people in there, but no sign of the tutor so I breathed a huge sigh of relief and walked in. They'd been there since noon by all accounts and were already well into the bonding part of the experience. I secreted myself at the end of the first row of desks thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?!?!?" I really wanted to turn around and go home again. The experience with the bitch downstairs had put me right off already and I hadn't been there 2 minutes!! When I was there the first time around 11 years ago they were much nicer. Maybe she's a new person?? Maybe she's been jaded by mid-teens with bad attitudes or benefit people who want to do anything but work?? Or maybe she was just a bitch …… I couldn't decide.
Of course as per usual, with an unfamiliar situation, I closed down and got all introverted. I know you're all thinking "No way" – well let me tell you something, if I'm in a group I don't know at all I get horribly introverted, withdraw into my own little world and over think why I'm where I am and whether I've done the right thing. It takes me a few weeks to settle in and then I tend to turn into the person you all know and sometimes love!! ;) It didn't help that all these people I was in the room with were getting along like they were friends from way back, but I just wasn't comfortable. Not one of them said a word to me which made my introversion all the worse. I was feeling isolated already and wondered if I could hack that for a year or more. I sat there playing with my pen and looking around this classroom, reading and re-reading the various notices and posters on the walls, wishing I was at home watching Springer and contemplating the long night I had ahead of me. It had been different back in the day – I'd hooked up with 3 other prospective loners on day one and all was good with the world for the 2 years we spent there. Right now I was just hoping for a friendly face and coming up empty.
The tutor appeared at 1pm. There was a disagreement between him and some of the learners (we're not students anymore – we're learners …… scruffy learner types …… doesn't have quite the same ring does it!! ;)) about the start time he'd put down on these forms. I wasn't getting involved. I had my form with me and knew EXACTLY what he'd put but I'm not going to kick off on day 1 about something so frigging stupid. All the middle-aged women talking to him like they were trying to start an argument with their husbands …… I mean …… The afternoon turned out to be nothing more than an orientation-style session. We had learning agreements to sign, more forms to fill in, student cards to be produced (I had to have my picture taken and I didn't have my slap on?!?!? Thankfully my skin's cleared up a bit since I finished work – probably because my stress level has dropped dramatically, so the pic wasn't all that bad. I just look a bit pinker than usual!! Lol!!), a quick guided tour and general overview of the course and staff. The overview got me even more down. For an AAT you have to produce a portfolio which includes providing evidence of your current working status/position in your organisation. I have no status or position and began wondering whether I was just wasting my time. There was also a lot of mention of people coming direct from work to college, etc. which also sent a pang of guilt down my spine. I was sat there thinking that they all knew and were judging me the same way The Bitch probably had. I survived it and it was all done and dusted by 3.45 so I got to go home and relax a bit before Round 2 kicked off. I was already exhausted and was struggling not to nod off while I watched some trashy chat shows and Judge Judy.
The Sage session went better. They were more inclusive from the get-go. Maybe it's because I was one of the early ones, or just because it was a seemingly, older, more informal group – more 'Adult' than 'School' and no matter how much they say you'll be treated as adult learners at the college, in an environment where the majority of students are 16 to 19, there will be a certain bleed over in their approach to teaching these different groups. But I took my seat and people were talking to me straight off. One of them introduced herself to me and we had a bit of a laugh, and it was just, well, BETTER. The atmosphere was lighter. The College classroom had been mainly comprised of people more my own age with the competitiveness that inherently bred, the Adult Education class was mainly older ladies, who were more than likely just there to get the piece of paper to prove they could actually do what they could already do. The feeling was less academic and more relaxed. I was enjoying it more. At the moment the course seems to be a piece of piss – I say 'at the moment' because it is only Week 1. The stuff I did in the class on Monday was mainly data entry, but it's familiarising myself with and gaining valuable experience of the program which is what I need more than anything else.
I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the whole experience of Monday. I came to the conclusion that as far as the AAT goes I'm going to be keeping myself to myself. It's just an expectation I have, but that suits me fine. My study buddy will be at home ...... Mum's doing the same AAT course but elsewhere!! She's doing the "At your own pace" version. I'm going to be screwed if there's any type of group work that needs doing in the classroom, but I've worked on a supposedly group project on my own before and there's no reason why I can't do it again!! I'm not going to jack it in. I can't. I hate to say it, but if I stand a chance of getting better offers and interviews than Accounts Assistant, Purchase Ledger Clerk or Data Entry Clerk at £13000 per annum, it's something I have to do. I may have a piece of paper which says I have a degree in BS (that's Business Studies not Bullshit, although I'm sure I'd sail through that one considering the amount of shit I spout sometimes!! ;)) but that's not what they're asking for so I NEED to do it. It's the same with Sage. Very few people have heard of the system we used at Spencer, and Sage is the common thread that runs through many of the adverts so I need to do that one too if I want to get a job no matter how quick a study I am. The less training a prospective employer has to provide the happier they are …… end of!!
So that's the tale of my first return to education. I'm going to see how they go and decide later if I want to do the final level of the 2 courses. They won't do me any harm but it all depends how I get on with them and where I feel I'm at 10 or 12 months from now. We'll see how it pans out ……
H.
xx
I had to stop at the Adult Education Centre on the way to pay my exam fee for the Sage course – unfortunately the DWP won't pay it for me so I've had to cough up the grand total of £45 and change, but that's by-the-by. That took longer than expected because the woman I needed to see was on the phone – that'll learn me to not make appointments to let them know I'd be coming!! Lol!! As soon as that was paid I had to head on to college – Christ it sounds weird saying that!! I thought my days of education were way behind me – especially when it came to training for my working life – the odd 'fun' course -- y'know the ones, pottery, painting with watercolours, creative writing -- I would probably have found myself doing at 50 is a different matter, but a course with actual textbooks?!?!? I felt about 16 again!!
I got to the college at about 12.15 because I had in my mind that it didn't kick off until 12.30, but I'm jumping ahead of myself here. Before I hit the classroom I had to finish my enrolment for the course. Those of you that have read the last blog know there was a problem with evidence of JSA – it didn't get any better. I'd had a letter the day after the original enrolment date telling them about some backdated benefit and phoned the college to see if that was evidence enough. I explained that the letter had my address, the processing centres address, my NI number, bank details and enough detail (I thought!!) for them to accept it as evidence and the woman I spoke to said it was fine. Well, I got there and handed it over to what turned out to be a proper jobsworth type, who was about to kick off as it only mentioned the backdated JSA. I explained that and told her I'd been told that this letter was OK and she begrudgingly accepted it. By-the-by I got another letter from the DWP this morning explaining the arrangements for my JSA from now until whenever so that would've been handy on Monday!! Anyway, as I was saying, I gave her this letter and she did what she needed to do with it and gave me back my copy of the enrolment form – she actually wanted to keep this letter and seemed surprised when asking if I wanted a copy (bear in mind this is evidentiary material that the DWP have sent out to me to record an unusual sum of money they've paid me!!) and I asked for the original back!! Methinks she thought because I'm on benefit that I don't know a thing or two – at least I know first hand that the stigma of being on benefit isn't imaginary. Maybe after this I'll have a bit more compassion for those who are on it because how do I know what their situation is?? Although, if we're talking about those who take advantage because they reckon they're better off out of work than in it, I reserve the right to change my mind. I'm already sick of people looking down their nose at me because OBVIOUSLY I'm a lazy bitch who doesn't want to work!! Ooops. Bit of a tangent there …… back to the story ……
With enrolment done she was all set to just send me on my merry way with no indication of where I was supposed to be going. She was just about ready to turf me unceremoniously out on my arse to fend for myself, so I quickly piped up "Where do I go now??" and with a definite air of annoyance she said "Go to reception and ask them. They'll tell you where to go" Gee thanks, that's nice of you to deign to freely share that bit of information with me – note the sarcasm!! On my way out I had a quick look at the form and found out he'd put a 12pm start on it …… I was sure he'd said 12.30 on the phone …… and it said 1pm on the leaflet …… now I was confuzzled. The lass at reception was much nicer, even if she was run off her feet, and directed me upstairs to the classroom. I spent the walk to the room thinking "Wow, you're making a fantastic impression here, Hannah!! Half an hour late on your first day!! Well done!! Have a chocolate biscuit!!" and trying to think of some excuse for my tardiness – should I blame traffic or errands that ran late or should I just bite the bullet and admit to my belief that the class didn't start until 12.30. I was still trying to find the excuse when I got the room. There were a few other people in there, but no sign of the tutor so I breathed a huge sigh of relief and walked in. They'd been there since noon by all accounts and were already well into the bonding part of the experience. I secreted myself at the end of the first row of desks thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?!?!?" I really wanted to turn around and go home again. The experience with the bitch downstairs had put me right off already and I hadn't been there 2 minutes!! When I was there the first time around 11 years ago they were much nicer. Maybe she's a new person?? Maybe she's been jaded by mid-teens with bad attitudes or benefit people who want to do anything but work?? Or maybe she was just a bitch …… I couldn't decide.
Of course as per usual, with an unfamiliar situation, I closed down and got all introverted. I know you're all thinking "No way" – well let me tell you something, if I'm in a group I don't know at all I get horribly introverted, withdraw into my own little world and over think why I'm where I am and whether I've done the right thing. It takes me a few weeks to settle in and then I tend to turn into the person you all know and sometimes love!! ;) It didn't help that all these people I was in the room with were getting along like they were friends from way back, but I just wasn't comfortable. Not one of them said a word to me which made my introversion all the worse. I was feeling isolated already and wondered if I could hack that for a year or more. I sat there playing with my pen and looking around this classroom, reading and re-reading the various notices and posters on the walls, wishing I was at home watching Springer and contemplating the long night I had ahead of me. It had been different back in the day – I'd hooked up with 3 other prospective loners on day one and all was good with the world for the 2 years we spent there. Right now I was just hoping for a friendly face and coming up empty.
The tutor appeared at 1pm. There was a disagreement between him and some of the learners (we're not students anymore – we're learners …… scruffy learner types …… doesn't have quite the same ring does it!! ;)) about the start time he'd put down on these forms. I wasn't getting involved. I had my form with me and knew EXACTLY what he'd put but I'm not going to kick off on day 1 about something so frigging stupid. All the middle-aged women talking to him like they were trying to start an argument with their husbands …… I mean …… The afternoon turned out to be nothing more than an orientation-style session. We had learning agreements to sign, more forms to fill in, student cards to be produced (I had to have my picture taken and I didn't have my slap on?!?!? Thankfully my skin's cleared up a bit since I finished work – probably because my stress level has dropped dramatically, so the pic wasn't all that bad. I just look a bit pinker than usual!! Lol!!), a quick guided tour and general overview of the course and staff. The overview got me even more down. For an AAT you have to produce a portfolio which includes providing evidence of your current working status/position in your organisation. I have no status or position and began wondering whether I was just wasting my time. There was also a lot of mention of people coming direct from work to college, etc. which also sent a pang of guilt down my spine. I was sat there thinking that they all knew and were judging me the same way The Bitch probably had. I survived it and it was all done and dusted by 3.45 so I got to go home and relax a bit before Round 2 kicked off. I was already exhausted and was struggling not to nod off while I watched some trashy chat shows and Judge Judy.
The Sage session went better. They were more inclusive from the get-go. Maybe it's because I was one of the early ones, or just because it was a seemingly, older, more informal group – more 'Adult' than 'School' and no matter how much they say you'll be treated as adult learners at the college, in an environment where the majority of students are 16 to 19, there will be a certain bleed over in their approach to teaching these different groups. But I took my seat and people were talking to me straight off. One of them introduced herself to me and we had a bit of a laugh, and it was just, well, BETTER. The atmosphere was lighter. The College classroom had been mainly comprised of people more my own age with the competitiveness that inherently bred, the Adult Education class was mainly older ladies, who were more than likely just there to get the piece of paper to prove they could actually do what they could already do. The feeling was less academic and more relaxed. I was enjoying it more. At the moment the course seems to be a piece of piss – I say 'at the moment' because it is only Week 1. The stuff I did in the class on Monday was mainly data entry, but it's familiarising myself with and gaining valuable experience of the program which is what I need more than anything else.
I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the whole experience of Monday. I came to the conclusion that as far as the AAT goes I'm going to be keeping myself to myself. It's just an expectation I have, but that suits me fine. My study buddy will be at home ...... Mum's doing the same AAT course but elsewhere!! She's doing the "At your own pace" version. I'm going to be screwed if there's any type of group work that needs doing in the classroom, but I've worked on a supposedly group project on my own before and there's no reason why I can't do it again!! I'm not going to jack it in. I can't. I hate to say it, but if I stand a chance of getting better offers and interviews than Accounts Assistant, Purchase Ledger Clerk or Data Entry Clerk at £13000 per annum, it's something I have to do. I may have a piece of paper which says I have a degree in BS (that's Business Studies not Bullshit, although I'm sure I'd sail through that one considering the amount of shit I spout sometimes!! ;)) but that's not what they're asking for so I NEED to do it. It's the same with Sage. Very few people have heard of the system we used at Spencer, and Sage is the common thread that runs through many of the adverts so I need to do that one too if I want to get a job no matter how quick a study I am. The less training a prospective employer has to provide the happier they are …… end of!!
So that's the tale of my first return to education. I'm going to see how they go and decide later if I want to do the final level of the 2 courses. They won't do me any harm but it all depends how I get on with them and where I feel I'm at 10 or 12 months from now. We'll see how it pans out ……
H.
xx
Thursday 6 September 2007
Further Adventures In Job-Hunting: Why Is Nothing Ever Simple??
Why does it seem to be the aim of some people to make life difficult for others? Today was the day I went to enrol at the local college to do my AAT and henceforth be known, according to some anyway, as a scruffy student type!!! ;)
So all is going well. I'd stopped in at the solicitor on the way to complete the paperwork for Spencer so I can get some money out of them – it'll tide me over for a bit at least – and then went onto the college to, erm, enlist in the AAT – well it sounds like you're enlisting you have to admit – it sounds a bit like a branch of the TA!!! All was going well. I'd spoken to the lecturer the day before so he was half expecting me, and I think he was kind of glad as I was an easy one because I'd phoned him up for the info before rather than waiting until I got there, so he had at least one enrolment when all he needed to do was fill in a form instead of spending nigh on an hour trying to explain about the course to prospective students!! Lol!! He did his thing with my form and asked me to fill in the rest – y'know, the usual stuff. Qualifications, personal details and that – and go see the customer services people who, as I was hoping to get a nil fee due to my current scrounging status, wouldn't be taking any money off me. This is where it came unstuck.
I'd bought everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I had pertaining to my unemployed status, including my little green stamped-with-my-Job-Centre-Plus'-address book to try, it turns out in vain, to convince them that I was getting JSA. You would have thought this would have been enough, but I was told that I needed an actual letter with my job centre's address on to prove that I was on benefit …… bear in mind, my little green book is an official DWP document which says when I am supposed to go into the office and sign on, and where the office is. So now I have to phone the benefit office in Hull tomorrow to get a letter saying I'm entitled and hope I can get it in to them at the college before the course starts on Monday as all this means I'm not properly enrolled yet. So I now have to waste another afternoon and petrol I can ill afford to sort this out. All of this because the Job Centre had to send a form out to Spencer for pay details because I was still waiting to receive my payslip when I first went in. I have a manual claim, which apparently means that the usual letters aren't sent out?!?!?
The thing that annoys me is that my little green book was enough for the adult education bods, but not for the college. I don't think she even looked at the bastard thing!!!! It's all right there!! I also got the distinct impression that their demeanour changed as soon as I said I'm on JSA …… nice!!!
By the way, I will say a big thank you to those who are currently working and paying for me to go to college!! ;)
Monday 3 September 2007
Further Adventures In Job Hunting: Hannah Learns A Lesson
Well, when I say 'learn a lesson', what I REALLY mean is I've decided to go back into education part-time. It means my Monday nights are going to be VERY busy but needs must ……
I've noticed while looking at job opportunities in the Accounts field that there are two requirements that seem to be fairly across the board – an AAT qualification and knowledge of Sage Line 50. Now, although I went to college and uni, and have been working in Accounts for a while now, I still don't have the 2 pieces of paper that people seem to want from me in order to employ me. So that's what I've decided to do.
I've been half heartedly looking at the AAT for a while but what was putting me off was (a) that I, personally, couldn't afford it, and (b) I didn't want to ask work to pay for it for me as it meant I would be locked into a contract with them for an extra 12-months, which meant that if a job came up that was better than what I already had, I either couldn't apply for it, or if I did and got the job I would need to find the £375 for it anyway to pay them back. Now, I have the time, and because the fees will be paid for me as I'm unemployed, I can do it. It'll look good on my CV, it shows that I'm willing to work and am trying to progress (rather than my CV and I both implying "I'd fill in where I was needed and hope I got more training") and I'll find that more opportunities will be open to me. It means I'll be at college on a Monday from 12.30 – 6.30pm …… it also means I'll be back to doing homework again!!! Lol!!
The other course I've been looking at is a Sage book-keeping course. It's an adult education course. I think it may cover pretty much the same as the AAT, but the Sage course, although including an element of manual working, I think, will concentrate more on the software itself, which will be handy. The AAT, as far as I can tell from my Mum having done it, will be more manual theory and practice. Again, the Sage opportunities will be open for me if I complete it and the lady who'll be training me seems very nice. Therefore I'll be driving into Barton and going to the Adult Education centre at Providence House (better known as the Library!!!) from 7 – 9pm …… on a Monday night …… Mondays are going to be REALLY busy!!! Lol!! I think it'll be a chippy tea every Monday for 6-months!!!
As far as the job hunt itself goes, it's kind of stalled at the mo', simply because I've been looking into these courses …… but I think it still counts as job hunting because it means I'm working to get back into work, but not just by applying for anything going …… I think what spurred me on was that agency person last week implying I may have been setting my sights too high for the Trainee (note the word 'Trainee'!!!) Assistant Management Accountant job. I mean, I know they need to advise you as best they can, but turning round and saying "well, there are people with Accountancy degrees who can't get the jobs!!" doesn't exactly fill you with confidence – difference between the degree and the courses I've chosen?? Not as much practical experience with the former from what I can gather!!!
Now I think I may have a look and see about picking a course for fun …… get me eh?? Student!! Lol!!!
H.
xx
I've noticed while looking at job opportunities in the Accounts field that there are two requirements that seem to be fairly across the board – an AAT qualification and knowledge of Sage Line 50. Now, although I went to college and uni, and have been working in Accounts for a while now, I still don't have the 2 pieces of paper that people seem to want from me in order to employ me. So that's what I've decided to do.
I've been half heartedly looking at the AAT for a while but what was putting me off was (a) that I, personally, couldn't afford it, and (b) I didn't want to ask work to pay for it for me as it meant I would be locked into a contract with them for an extra 12-months, which meant that if a job came up that was better than what I already had, I either couldn't apply for it, or if I did and got the job I would need to find the £375 for it anyway to pay them back. Now, I have the time, and because the fees will be paid for me as I'm unemployed, I can do it. It'll look good on my CV, it shows that I'm willing to work and am trying to progress (rather than my CV and I both implying "I'd fill in where I was needed and hope I got more training") and I'll find that more opportunities will be open to me. It means I'll be at college on a Monday from 12.30 – 6.30pm …… it also means I'll be back to doing homework again!!! Lol!!
The other course I've been looking at is a Sage book-keeping course. It's an adult education course. I think it may cover pretty much the same as the AAT, but the Sage course, although including an element of manual working, I think, will concentrate more on the software itself, which will be handy. The AAT, as far as I can tell from my Mum having done it, will be more manual theory and practice. Again, the Sage opportunities will be open for me if I complete it and the lady who'll be training me seems very nice. Therefore I'll be driving into Barton and going to the Adult Education centre at Providence House (better known as the Library!!!) from 7 – 9pm …… on a Monday night …… Mondays are going to be REALLY busy!!! Lol!! I think it'll be a chippy tea every Monday for 6-months!!!
As far as the job hunt itself goes, it's kind of stalled at the mo', simply because I've been looking into these courses …… but I think it still counts as job hunting because it means I'm working to get back into work, but not just by applying for anything going …… I think what spurred me on was that agency person last week implying I may have been setting my sights too high for the Trainee (note the word 'Trainee'!!!) Assistant Management Accountant job. I mean, I know they need to advise you as best they can, but turning round and saying "well, there are people with Accountancy degrees who can't get the jobs!!" doesn't exactly fill you with confidence – difference between the degree and the courses I've chosen?? Not as much practical experience with the former from what I can gather!!!
Now I think I may have a look and see about picking a course for fun …… get me eh?? Student!! Lol!!!
H.
xx
Thursday 30 August 2007
Further Adventures in Job-Hunting: The Search for New Employment
Seeing as I'm now midway through my third week as an Unemployed, I figured I'd do a blog giving you (if you're interested!!!) an update on how it's going. So here goes …… it's a long'un so a brew in hand would be advisable.
The Job Centre
As many of you know, I went to the Job Centre last Tuesday. Now I was dreading this simply because I had visions of 'Bread' running round my head – y'know what I mean …… the older brother goes to the DSS every week and has to deal with a very opinionated and snobbish assistant, so I had visions of going in there and having them look down their noses at me. Needn't have worried, however, as I have a very nice personal adviser called Andy. I know he supposed to be nice anyway, but it makes you feel more comfortable. A chat, a bit of form-filling, some signing and explanation later and I walked out of there with 3 potential jobs, a couple of contacts at a couple of agencies and various forms. There's loads of stuff you have to do. I had to sign an agreement which said I had to contact, in different ways, shapes and forms, 8 people a week regarding any work they had available. You also have to show that you are actively seeking work. They gave me this little book thing to put it all down in but I found it didn't show what I wanted, or rather felt it needed to, so I wound up using one of the many hard backed notebooks I bought when I had delusions of writing (what can I say?? It was an escape with all that was going on with Dad at the time!!!) as a record of everything I did – which reminds me I have to update that for the last couple of days.
I went back again this Tuesday to sign on with a lady whose name escapes me but I know it begins with an 'M'. She came across at the start a bit like the 'Bread' woman so I was a little bit edgy. We had a bit of extra time as her expected next appointment wasn't going to be in as they were on holiday, so we had a bit of a chat about what I'd been doing to find work, and she looked at the records I'd made. Apparently she can tell I'm an Accounts person. She was quite impressed actually. It sounds like a lot of people don't bother to put down what they've done, even though they should, to prove they're doing something. I also found out I wasn't going to get any money until the form they sent to work to ask about final payments came back – here is proof of the wonderment that is Spencer. They faxed it last week but Debbie, who I've mentioned before, is on holiday at the mo'. It's a good job I'm not destitute as she is the one who would fill it out and the ONLY person in the company that has access to the records!!! They have this weird idea about confidentiality. Even when I was in payroll, although I was allowed access to all the pay records of the weekly lads, I wasn't allowed to even pass my eyes over salaried info. It was part of the double standard that runs through the company. Or maybe that was just me ......
Agencies
Agencies are funny things. I'm not sure what to make of some of them. I've recently got back in contact with several of them to let them know I'm looking for work. Some of them are really easy to deal with. Sewell Moorhouse who deal with Accounts positions are very easy to deal with and very nice with it. I've met up with Bev from there before – last time I was half-heartedly looking and she understood that. Now I'm seriously looking and she's a lot of help. Not only have I got Bev working for me there, but also Sam, who sorts temporary positions, and Lynsey, who deals with a different area. I met Bev on Tuesday and we had a quick chat again about what I was looking for – it's changed a bit in 12-months!! She had a couple of possibilities she was going to put me forward for so it's just a question of waiting. Sam put me forward for something but I'll get to that later. I also had a meeting with another agency called List Recruitment. They tend to place more technical people, but they get the odd Accounts job with Corus so I thought I might be worth it. I went in and had skills testing, which basically comprised of basic Windows commands, data entry and typing …… why they couldn't just look at my certificates I don't know, although I did learn that I can type 48 words per minute.
I have an interview with another agency today at 4pm. She seemed a bit thick when she phoned up. She told me I needed to bring ID with me – photo ID which I don't have and I'm sure other people don't either. Never had a passport and still operating on an old fashioned paper driving licence – damn me for not losing it or deigning to marry, eh?? ;) This seemed to be a problem, so off she disappears to tell me that I need to bring in a utility bill …… don't have any – everything's in Mums name, so in the end she decided my credit card bill would be sufficient. Surely I could be an illegal immigrant with that too?? I don't recall MBNA asking for proof of my British-ness when I applied for my credit card from them …… Now what would she do if I didn't have one of those either?? Or that everything I have was in hubby's name?!?!? So this should be fun.
Interviews
As I mentioned in the last section, Sam at Sewell Moorhouse put me forward for a position at a company in Scunthorpe as a Purchase Ledger Clerk. Sounded all well and good – my main duties would be invoice entry and query resolution, but there would also be an element of account reccing. The latter was the part that appealed because I enjoy that. I like the feeling I get when it's finished and I know I've accomplished something. What put me off more was the fact that it was a maternity cover job in the main. I started at Spencer as a maternity cover temp and I hated being left hanging while Sarah decided whether she was staying or not. It meant I couldn't really start looking for different work because I couldn't honestly tell people if or when I would be available for work. No offence to the mothers who may read this but I gather it's a hard decision as to how much time you want to go back to work for, or whether you want to go back at all and so tends to be very last minute. I think I'd rather have a job that was actually mine rather than just looking after someone else's until the decide what they want to do – it's like house-sitting but less definite because at least you know when the owners are coming back from their hols!!! If it wasn't a maternity cover temp to perm and was a proper fixed term contract meaning there wasn't that uncertainty attached to it I'd probably jump at the chance. If they'd said "it's for 4-months and we're not waiting on someone making a decision to come back to work" it'd be fine. There's an element of housekeeping in this job too. They need help with recommending and helping to put into place, processes and practices for the new SAP system they introduced back in March and although it would be nice to be involved with that, and that SAP itself would be good for my CV, it'd annoy me a little bit to put all that work in for someone else to come back and they say "Cheers. See ya!!" I'd also resent the fact that I'd wind up doing what I did at Spencer and not bother to make the effort with colleagues because it'd be more painful to leave at the end of the 4 months if you know what I mean ……
I'm also very confused with this job. On the one hand I'm being told it's a 4-month contract for maternity cover, but the other lass in the department is leaving to train to be a maths teacher and said I'd be doing her job?!?!? The other problem with this job is that it would start on Monday. It's been badly planned by the sounds of it and this means I don't get the time to really think about it properly and I really don't want to jump for the sake of it. I did that with Spencer and we all know how that turned out. I'm pissed off though because I feel really guilty for letting down these people I've met once for an hour – what is wrong with me???? It's not like I owe them anything, or that I know them well enough to consider them friends for whom I would feel disappointed for letting them down. I think I need help!!!
eBay
eBay is the work of the Devil – simple as …… As you can imagine I've had WAY too much time on my hands recently and have found myself inexplicably drawn to eBay – no. I tell a lie. It is explicable …… I started looking at cheap 6th gen I-Pods and wound up buying loads of Bon Jovi gear!! Lol! I think in all I've spent about £75 on there over the last few days. I'm trying to get my Bon Jovi CD Collection a bit more complete, and Mum's taken advantage of me not working by asking me to bid on stuff for her too – she – or rather I've just bought her a PDA. At least *touch wood* I've dealt with some good sellers and haven't had to argue and get stressed over any of them yet!!
Photography
It's quite good really. I've been taking more pics lately -- generally of birds picking around the lawn and flower beds. I may put them on the Ol' Photobucket later if I feel that way inclined. The garden got in such a state that Mum decided enough was enough as she wasn't going to have the time to do it, and got in a gardener. They've done really well and got the garden back to some semblance of normality and now all the birds can see what they're looking for …… and we can see them!! Lol!! Mum treated me to a trip to The Deep last week and I tried pics of fish, but it wasn't really happening!! Lol!! They're on the Photobucket too so you can take a look-see if you fancy. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I hate fish …… they don't stay still long enough for pictures, and aquariums have a thing about flash photography. I can understand it, but from a purely selfish point of view, I can't get good pics without it!! Lol!!
Cockatiels
This is a random heading eh?? Well, Bank Holiday Monday I went out to the Aviary to feed our birds. Somehow I got caught up on a bit of wire and didn't realise, so when I got free it made a god almighty ping and put the wind up the birds. They panicked and in the melee one of the cockatiels escaped out the door that I was halfway through!! Anyway, he's been hanging around the garden ever since because luckily his girlfriend was still IN the aviary so he's been coming back to visit and eat – we have, in essence, had possibly the first free-range cockatiel in the history of bird keeping!! Lol!! He spent most of yesterday sat on top of his old cage, which we'd set up with some food in the hopes of tempting him into it and getting him home proper, chatting to his mates like some kind of little old lady. Today was a good day – we got him back in the aviary. He went into his old cage for breakfast, Mum spotted him and she legged it down the garden and shut him in quick. The little cage is now in the big cage waiting for him to come out and see his mates again so all is good!!!
Unfortunately after nearly 3 weeks I'm already bored stupid, so I foresee more bad TV, more job hunting, more bemoaning of the fact I can't go out shopping (especially when I find a neat pair of boots for a tenner and Mum won't let me buy them!!!), and more visiting eBay to find a happier medium where I can shop but on the cheap ...... hopefully!!!
H.
xx
The Job Centre
As many of you know, I went to the Job Centre last Tuesday. Now I was dreading this simply because I had visions of 'Bread' running round my head – y'know what I mean …… the older brother goes to the DSS every week and has to deal with a very opinionated and snobbish assistant, so I had visions of going in there and having them look down their noses at me. Needn't have worried, however, as I have a very nice personal adviser called Andy. I know he supposed to be nice anyway, but it makes you feel more comfortable. A chat, a bit of form-filling, some signing and explanation later and I walked out of there with 3 potential jobs, a couple of contacts at a couple of agencies and various forms. There's loads of stuff you have to do. I had to sign an agreement which said I had to contact, in different ways, shapes and forms, 8 people a week regarding any work they had available. You also have to show that you are actively seeking work. They gave me this little book thing to put it all down in but I found it didn't show what I wanted, or rather felt it needed to, so I wound up using one of the many hard backed notebooks I bought when I had delusions of writing (what can I say?? It was an escape with all that was going on with Dad at the time!!!) as a record of everything I did – which reminds me I have to update that for the last couple of days.
I went back again this Tuesday to sign on with a lady whose name escapes me but I know it begins with an 'M'. She came across at the start a bit like the 'Bread' woman so I was a little bit edgy. We had a bit of extra time as her expected next appointment wasn't going to be in as they were on holiday, so we had a bit of a chat about what I'd been doing to find work, and she looked at the records I'd made. Apparently she can tell I'm an Accounts person. She was quite impressed actually. It sounds like a lot of people don't bother to put down what they've done, even though they should, to prove they're doing something. I also found out I wasn't going to get any money until the form they sent to work to ask about final payments came back – here is proof of the wonderment that is Spencer. They faxed it last week but Debbie, who I've mentioned before, is on holiday at the mo'. It's a good job I'm not destitute as she is the one who would fill it out and the ONLY person in the company that has access to the records!!! They have this weird idea about confidentiality. Even when I was in payroll, although I was allowed access to all the pay records of the weekly lads, I wasn't allowed to even pass my eyes over salaried info. It was part of the double standard that runs through the company. Or maybe that was just me ......
Agencies
Agencies are funny things. I'm not sure what to make of some of them. I've recently got back in contact with several of them to let them know I'm looking for work. Some of them are really easy to deal with. Sewell Moorhouse who deal with Accounts positions are very easy to deal with and very nice with it. I've met up with Bev from there before – last time I was half-heartedly looking and she understood that. Now I'm seriously looking and she's a lot of help. Not only have I got Bev working for me there, but also Sam, who sorts temporary positions, and Lynsey, who deals with a different area. I met Bev on Tuesday and we had a quick chat again about what I was looking for – it's changed a bit in 12-months!! She had a couple of possibilities she was going to put me forward for so it's just a question of waiting. Sam put me forward for something but I'll get to that later. I also had a meeting with another agency called List Recruitment. They tend to place more technical people, but they get the odd Accounts job with Corus so I thought I might be worth it. I went in and had skills testing, which basically comprised of basic Windows commands, data entry and typing …… why they couldn't just look at my certificates I don't know, although I did learn that I can type 48 words per minute.
I have an interview with another agency today at 4pm. She seemed a bit thick when she phoned up. She told me I needed to bring ID with me – photo ID which I don't have and I'm sure other people don't either. Never had a passport and still operating on an old fashioned paper driving licence – damn me for not losing it or deigning to marry, eh?? ;) This seemed to be a problem, so off she disappears to tell me that I need to bring in a utility bill …… don't have any – everything's in Mums name, so in the end she decided my credit card bill would be sufficient. Surely I could be an illegal immigrant with that too?? I don't recall MBNA asking for proof of my British-ness when I applied for my credit card from them …… Now what would she do if I didn't have one of those either?? Or that everything I have was in hubby's name?!?!? So this should be fun.
Interviews
As I mentioned in the last section, Sam at Sewell Moorhouse put me forward for a position at a company in Scunthorpe as a Purchase Ledger Clerk. Sounded all well and good – my main duties would be invoice entry and query resolution, but there would also be an element of account reccing. The latter was the part that appealed because I enjoy that. I like the feeling I get when it's finished and I know I've accomplished something. What put me off more was the fact that it was a maternity cover job in the main. I started at Spencer as a maternity cover temp and I hated being left hanging while Sarah decided whether she was staying or not. It meant I couldn't really start looking for different work because I couldn't honestly tell people if or when I would be available for work. No offence to the mothers who may read this but I gather it's a hard decision as to how much time you want to go back to work for, or whether you want to go back at all and so tends to be very last minute. I think I'd rather have a job that was actually mine rather than just looking after someone else's until the decide what they want to do – it's like house-sitting but less definite because at least you know when the owners are coming back from their hols!!! If it wasn't a maternity cover temp to perm and was a proper fixed term contract meaning there wasn't that uncertainty attached to it I'd probably jump at the chance. If they'd said "it's for 4-months and we're not waiting on someone making a decision to come back to work" it'd be fine. There's an element of housekeeping in this job too. They need help with recommending and helping to put into place, processes and practices for the new SAP system they introduced back in March and although it would be nice to be involved with that, and that SAP itself would be good for my CV, it'd annoy me a little bit to put all that work in for someone else to come back and they say "Cheers. See ya!!" I'd also resent the fact that I'd wind up doing what I did at Spencer and not bother to make the effort with colleagues because it'd be more painful to leave at the end of the 4 months if you know what I mean ……
I'm also very confused with this job. On the one hand I'm being told it's a 4-month contract for maternity cover, but the other lass in the department is leaving to train to be a maths teacher and said I'd be doing her job?!?!? The other problem with this job is that it would start on Monday. It's been badly planned by the sounds of it and this means I don't get the time to really think about it properly and I really don't want to jump for the sake of it. I did that with Spencer and we all know how that turned out. I'm pissed off though because I feel really guilty for letting down these people I've met once for an hour – what is wrong with me???? It's not like I owe them anything, or that I know them well enough to consider them friends for whom I would feel disappointed for letting them down. I think I need help!!!
eBay
eBay is the work of the Devil – simple as …… As you can imagine I've had WAY too much time on my hands recently and have found myself inexplicably drawn to eBay – no. I tell a lie. It is explicable …… I started looking at cheap 6th gen I-Pods and wound up buying loads of Bon Jovi gear!! Lol! I think in all I've spent about £75 on there over the last few days. I'm trying to get my Bon Jovi CD Collection a bit more complete, and Mum's taken advantage of me not working by asking me to bid on stuff for her too – she – or rather I've just bought her a PDA. At least *touch wood* I've dealt with some good sellers and haven't had to argue and get stressed over any of them yet!!
Photography
It's quite good really. I've been taking more pics lately -- generally of birds picking around the lawn and flower beds. I may put them on the Ol' Photobucket later if I feel that way inclined. The garden got in such a state that Mum decided enough was enough as she wasn't going to have the time to do it, and got in a gardener. They've done really well and got the garden back to some semblance of normality and now all the birds can see what they're looking for …… and we can see them!! Lol!! Mum treated me to a trip to The Deep last week and I tried pics of fish, but it wasn't really happening!! Lol!! They're on the Photobucket too so you can take a look-see if you fancy. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I hate fish …… they don't stay still long enough for pictures, and aquariums have a thing about flash photography. I can understand it, but from a purely selfish point of view, I can't get good pics without it!! Lol!!
Cockatiels
This is a random heading eh?? Well, Bank Holiday Monday I went out to the Aviary to feed our birds. Somehow I got caught up on a bit of wire and didn't realise, so when I got free it made a god almighty ping and put the wind up the birds. They panicked and in the melee one of the cockatiels escaped out the door that I was halfway through!! Anyway, he's been hanging around the garden ever since because luckily his girlfriend was still IN the aviary so he's been coming back to visit and eat – we have, in essence, had possibly the first free-range cockatiel in the history of bird keeping!! Lol!! He spent most of yesterday sat on top of his old cage, which we'd set up with some food in the hopes of tempting him into it and getting him home proper, chatting to his mates like some kind of little old lady. Today was a good day – we got him back in the aviary. He went into his old cage for breakfast, Mum spotted him and she legged it down the garden and shut him in quick. The little cage is now in the big cage waiting for him to come out and see his mates again so all is good!!!
Unfortunately after nearly 3 weeks I'm already bored stupid, so I foresee more bad TV, more job hunting, more bemoaning of the fact I can't go out shopping (especially when I find a neat pair of boots for a tenner and Mum won't let me buy them!!!), and more visiting eBay to find a happier medium where I can shop but on the cheap ...... hopefully!!!
H.
xx
Tuesday 14 August 2007
The System Is …… Shit
So the story goes like this ……
I phoned the DWP today in the hopes of getting some job seekers since I'm not working …… fair enough, I've paid my stamps, surely I'm entitled right?? Apparently there're conditions attached and again the conscientious people lose out. This is going to divide opinion – I know this, but it's just really shit!!!
For years my parents put money away for me for a rainy day, and now I have a selection of National Savings Bonds. They also encouraged me to save money, and I try to put something away every month – scrub that …… I DO put something away every month. It may only be £25 without fail, but I still do it. The idea was I'd have a deposit for a house or something equally as useful.
Unfortunately this sound financial planning may be coming back to bite me on the arse, as it would appear that over the years I have accrued, both directly and indirectly, too much in my savings. It's not official yet, but I know once I start adding up they probably will. Since when is it fair to force someone to dip into their savings in order to survive when they've been paying their NIC's since the day they started working?? What else do I get out of them?? What do they pay for?? My pension is going to be virtually non-existent by the time I reach retirement age (IF I reach it considering they keep threatening to put the fecker up!!!), in which case I'll NEED my savings, I rarely go to the Doctors, I've never called an ambulance, and my Dentist is private so I don't use the NHS ……
It just niggles me that even though with one hand they're trying to get people to save by upping interest rates, they're forcing people to use their savings in order to survive through circumstances beyond their control. If I'd walked out all well and good – it would be my own fault and I'd have to deal (and if I'd known I'd get fuck-all anyway, I might as well have done that anyway and prevented all the stress and heartache!!!), but judging by the fact I had no choice in the matter and no warning that I was about to be made redundant, how is it fair that I lose out?? Maybe I'm being selfish, but it just seems to be another way to get beat down. I know there are people who need it more desperately, but by the same token there are people who take the piss and don't DESERVE it. If I could have got out of it I'd have quit paying them and put the £113 or so they deducted off me every month in my bank account!!! I'd have been at least £5000 better off!!!! They will, however, keep up my NIC's for me while I'm not paying them if I'd like -- more money for them to NOT let me use later!!! Generous!!
I phoned the DWP today in the hopes of getting some job seekers since I'm not working …… fair enough, I've paid my stamps, surely I'm entitled right?? Apparently there're conditions attached and again the conscientious people lose out. This is going to divide opinion – I know this, but it's just really shit!!!
For years my parents put money away for me for a rainy day, and now I have a selection of National Savings Bonds. They also encouraged me to save money, and I try to put something away every month – scrub that …… I DO put something away every month. It may only be £25 without fail, but I still do it. The idea was I'd have a deposit for a house or something equally as useful.
Unfortunately this sound financial planning may be coming back to bite me on the arse, as it would appear that over the years I have accrued, both directly and indirectly, too much in my savings. It's not official yet, but I know once I start adding up they probably will. Since when is it fair to force someone to dip into their savings in order to survive when they've been paying their NIC's since the day they started working?? What else do I get out of them?? What do they pay for?? My pension is going to be virtually non-existent by the time I reach retirement age (IF I reach it considering they keep threatening to put the fecker up!!!), in which case I'll NEED my savings, I rarely go to the Doctors, I've never called an ambulance, and my Dentist is private so I don't use the NHS ……
It just niggles me that even though with one hand they're trying to get people to save by upping interest rates, they're forcing people to use their savings in order to survive through circumstances beyond their control. If I'd walked out all well and good – it would be my own fault and I'd have to deal (and if I'd known I'd get fuck-all anyway, I might as well have done that anyway and prevented all the stress and heartache!!!), but judging by the fact I had no choice in the matter and no warning that I was about to be made redundant, how is it fair that I lose out?? Maybe I'm being selfish, but it just seems to be another way to get beat down. I know there are people who need it more desperately, but by the same token there are people who take the piss and don't DESERVE it. If I could have got out of it I'd have quit paying them and put the £113 or so they deducted off me every month in my bank account!!! I'd have been at least £5000 better off!!!! They will, however, keep up my NIC's for me while I'm not paying them if I'd like -- more money for them to NOT let me use later!!! Generous!!
Monday 13 August 2007
The Great Escape
Well it finally happened. After 4 years of complete hell at work I'm finally free!! I know I shouldn't really be happy about it – I should actually be really disappointed that I no longer work for such a 'fine establishment' …… did they buy that?? So there it is. I've joined the ranks of the unemployed. Not sure how that's going to pan out yet but it can't be any worse surely?!?!
As such I figured what's better than to do a retrospective on my time of being employed -- it's turned out longer than expected, but meh!! It wasn't all bad – it was MOSTLY bad, but not all bad. There is at least one person I don't want to lose touch with …… most of them can drop off the face of the planet as far as I'm concerned, but there is one person I'll miss at least …… and my lads. Kerry said it best when she said there were only two things that were keeping me at Spencer – my friend Joss, and my lads. Now the decision has been taken out of my hands. On the one hand it's a good thing – if they hadn't made the decision I would most likely have just stayed there becoming more miserable and stressed. By the other token it would have been nice to have made the move myself, but as I said I never would have. With a job I don't think I had the same dedication to finding a new one. The urgency just wasn't there -- I had one so unless it was something I really wanted I didn't really put the effort in and I never really found one of those.
Many won't know this tale in full and some will know parts of it that others don't. As I said, it wasn't always bad. When I started in August 2003 I was working as Maternity cover for one of the departments. It was admin so it wasn't difficult or really all that stressful. There weren't many deadlines and I liked my manager. Still do to this day as he always treated me with respect and I suppose looked after me – bit of a father figure I guess. The rest of the guys in the department were a laugh too. I got on with them and admittedly, at times maybe spent more time having a laugh with them than I should have. As my contract was coming to an end towards Christmas I did start stressing a bit about whether I would still have a job come February when the other lass came back – maybe should've taken it as a sign when it took them until the last week before Christmas to give me a sign. The news was positive and I had a job after Christmas. Unfortunately, it had to be put on hold for a week as that was the year my Dad died – but we've covered that before. When I came back in the new year it was all change at home so I was glad to a certain extent to be back at work where nothing had changed. That relief was short-lived, however, when the news came that the department was moving to Hull and there was nothing said about whether the admin staff were moving with them as Sarah and I were based this side of the water whereas the majority of the rest were based north of the river. By this time I'd started doing purchasing and was starting to clash with the guy above me – I had, in theory 2 managers and one role was beginning to bleed into another. At this point the Tracker for the vans had also come into being and I was responsible for that too. I had too much to do and not enough time to do it in so I was stressing something chronic.
Come the April of 2004 the department were moving and Sarah and I were staying behind. At this point my purchasing role had gone to a temp (a fact I didn't find out from management but as a slip of the tongue from one of the guys I was working with). Now the board had to find somewhere to deposit us. Sarah wound up in another department doing pretty much what she had been doing before, and I wound up in payroll and, for a while anyway, all was good with the world again. I learnt how to process the timesheets and was promised training in running the payroll from start to finish so I could cover if necessary, which seemed like a good deal. My first training came a fortnight before one of my colleagues (Gail) was due to go on holiday so it was a rush but I stumbled through and I think it turned out OK. That's when I first met Joss, she'd been brought in to cover my work for me while I was covering for Gail. When she came back Joss moved into Accounts and I didn't hear from her so much – there was a bit of friction between Accounts and Payroll, mainly on the Payroll side as the Payroll Manager (Debbie) felt that we weren't really anything to do with accounts – strange logic actually considering that all our work was concerned with figures and job costing which is inherently an Accounts thing!!
Things started to go downhill rapidly as time went on in Payroll. As a department we were seemingly getting screwed over. Debbie was after training which she didn't seem to be actively pursuing with management, expecting it to just happen, and that because of what management were asking for in the everyday running of things, the job was becoming more complicated and no-one was listening, so there came a point where we were all looking for new jobs and thinking how funny it would be if the entire Payroll department left en masse. In March 2006, Gail left for new employment – the first one to escape – and they brought in a temp. Again it was a mad rush as she was on holiday for 2 of the 4 weeks that were needed to train the temp up to cover. We were physically extricated from the Accounts department that April and moved into an office at the other end of the world. Although we were still part of the department there was no mixing of the sections which seemed stupid, but it kept Debbie happy. Again there was more friction. The temp seemingly wasn't pulling her weight and so it fell to me to pick up the slack. I was working practically straight through, doing more overtime, and still falling behind. It came to a head in August when I blew up at Debbie after she got on at me about something which hadn't been done simply because I didn't have enough time. I was marched down to HR for an intervention at which I burst into tears. The atmosphere was terrible after that. Debbie said nothing to me if she could help it and I spent as little time in there with her as I could manage. At this point Joss was looking out for me and talking to her manager (Vicky).
In September I was officially moved out from under Debbie and into the Accounts department proper under Vicky. Again all seemed to go well for a while. Unfortunately the stuff that had slipped under Debbie came back to bite me with a vengeance and it wasn't long before I was up for an unofficially official 'meeting' regarding my apparently appalling approach to my work. It was alleged I wasn't carrying my weight as far as the department goes and what with the stuff that had just been put back and back and not yet been done, well from that moment on I was a nervous wreck. Every little thing that happened became potential ammo for an officially official disciplinary, and as a result I felt my work was never good enough. What little confidence I had left was gradually lessening, and although my work improved I don't think I ever got any positive interaction. It was all negative. The positive's were swept under the carpet and ignored. I also became an easy target for hassle in the office. Every comment seemed to be a dig. I never felt comfortable saying anything about anything for fear of having the piss taken whether I was right or wrong. I had a habit of talking to myself simply because it helped me to make sense of stuff and the fact I hate working in complete silence. It also meant that if I ever did say anything it was, for the most part, ignored and as time went on I felt more and more isolated from the people I worked with. I had always enjoyed the interaction I had with my lads, and even this became an issue. I'd have a laugh with them and it brightened my day and I like to think they enjoyed having a goss with me. I found that I developed a relationship with them that meant that I got a positive response when I phoned them. I was more likely to get what I needed out of them, i.e. their timesheets. It also meant they knew if they had any questions about anything they could phone me up and I'd help them out as best as I could and not bullshit them about anything. It became known as my sex line and phone sex became the by-line for the time I spent talking to these lads. We'd have a chat and I'd give them the answers they were after and all was good, and then I'd get hassle from the girls again.
And so the cycle continued. My work was also seemingly considered unworthy of time to be spent on it. Many a time I would be asked to be finished as early as possible so I could help someone else out. I didn't really mind this, and credit where credit is due, Vicky would explain to people who needed stuff from me, generally the Tracker, why it wouldn't be done straight away, but it did seem that my work was considered less important – the fact that if they didn't get paid the lads wouldn't come into work on Monday wasn't at all important. It annoyed me, but all the same I was glad of a little variety – you can only do the same thing for so long before it starts to bring you down.
I honestly didn't think there was a problem and so redundancy was the last thing I expected. I'd been promised the opportunity to get involved with other things ….. involvement that had never materialised due to extenuating circumstances. On Monday Vicky was talking about getting cover for my job for when I wasn't in, Tuesday the Tracker had been moved into another department and I was to be the cover for that, Wednesday I was training someone up on it and telling them if they had any problems they could ask me, and come Friday my services were no longer required. I'll give the Financial Director (Paul) his dues, he didn't beat round the bush as there is no easy way to break something like this to someone. He has to do what is best for the company at the end of the day. However having a new person start in the department on Monday, and after a job opportunity was emailed around the support staff the same day, it seems a bit odd. Maybe it was just an opportunity that they'd been waiting for since my trouble kicked off in March, maybe it was totally off the cuff and unplanned. I don't know and probably never will. I'd say it was upsetting, and as you can appreciate Friday it was – I think it was the shock more than anything else, but as I've thought about it more and my friends have looked out for me and let me bend their ears, I'm beginning to see it as an opportunity.
As I mentioned at the start, I would have more than likely sat there processing my timesheets until doomsday had this not happened. Maybe given the chance now, my back trouble from my dodgy chair will ease off. I'm not on the breadline yet. I've got a nice bit of money coming my way as soon as I sign the paperwork, and they've promised me a good reference.
In the meantime, I'm going to spend a bit of quality time with myself and consider what it is that I want to do. If it means retraining so be it …… if it means going in a completely different direction, that's good too …… we'll see what happens. Until then you'll find me sat on the sofa, randomly surfing the 'Net, bugging you all while I've got too much time on my hands, and watching copious amounts of trashy talk shows – from Jeremy Kyle to Jerry Springer!! Wish me luck!!
It's a hard life innit??? Lol!!
As such I figured what's better than to do a retrospective on my time of being employed -- it's turned out longer than expected, but meh!! It wasn't all bad – it was MOSTLY bad, but not all bad. There is at least one person I don't want to lose touch with …… most of them can drop off the face of the planet as far as I'm concerned, but there is one person I'll miss at least …… and my lads. Kerry said it best when she said there were only two things that were keeping me at Spencer – my friend Joss, and my lads. Now the decision has been taken out of my hands. On the one hand it's a good thing – if they hadn't made the decision I would most likely have just stayed there becoming more miserable and stressed. By the other token it would have been nice to have made the move myself, but as I said I never would have. With a job I don't think I had the same dedication to finding a new one. The urgency just wasn't there -- I had one so unless it was something I really wanted I didn't really put the effort in and I never really found one of those.
Many won't know this tale in full and some will know parts of it that others don't. As I said, it wasn't always bad. When I started in August 2003 I was working as Maternity cover for one of the departments. It was admin so it wasn't difficult or really all that stressful. There weren't many deadlines and I liked my manager. Still do to this day as he always treated me with respect and I suppose looked after me – bit of a father figure I guess. The rest of the guys in the department were a laugh too. I got on with them and admittedly, at times maybe spent more time having a laugh with them than I should have. As my contract was coming to an end towards Christmas I did start stressing a bit about whether I would still have a job come February when the other lass came back – maybe should've taken it as a sign when it took them until the last week before Christmas to give me a sign. The news was positive and I had a job after Christmas. Unfortunately, it had to be put on hold for a week as that was the year my Dad died – but we've covered that before. When I came back in the new year it was all change at home so I was glad to a certain extent to be back at work where nothing had changed. That relief was short-lived, however, when the news came that the department was moving to Hull and there was nothing said about whether the admin staff were moving with them as Sarah and I were based this side of the water whereas the majority of the rest were based north of the river. By this time I'd started doing purchasing and was starting to clash with the guy above me – I had, in theory 2 managers and one role was beginning to bleed into another. At this point the Tracker for the vans had also come into being and I was responsible for that too. I had too much to do and not enough time to do it in so I was stressing something chronic.
Come the April of 2004 the department were moving and Sarah and I were staying behind. At this point my purchasing role had gone to a temp (a fact I didn't find out from management but as a slip of the tongue from one of the guys I was working with). Now the board had to find somewhere to deposit us. Sarah wound up in another department doing pretty much what she had been doing before, and I wound up in payroll and, for a while anyway, all was good with the world again. I learnt how to process the timesheets and was promised training in running the payroll from start to finish so I could cover if necessary, which seemed like a good deal. My first training came a fortnight before one of my colleagues (Gail) was due to go on holiday so it was a rush but I stumbled through and I think it turned out OK. That's when I first met Joss, she'd been brought in to cover my work for me while I was covering for Gail. When she came back Joss moved into Accounts and I didn't hear from her so much – there was a bit of friction between Accounts and Payroll, mainly on the Payroll side as the Payroll Manager (Debbie) felt that we weren't really anything to do with accounts – strange logic actually considering that all our work was concerned with figures and job costing which is inherently an Accounts thing!!
Things started to go downhill rapidly as time went on in Payroll. As a department we were seemingly getting screwed over. Debbie was after training which she didn't seem to be actively pursuing with management, expecting it to just happen, and that because of what management were asking for in the everyday running of things, the job was becoming more complicated and no-one was listening, so there came a point where we were all looking for new jobs and thinking how funny it would be if the entire Payroll department left en masse. In March 2006, Gail left for new employment – the first one to escape – and they brought in a temp. Again it was a mad rush as she was on holiday for 2 of the 4 weeks that were needed to train the temp up to cover. We were physically extricated from the Accounts department that April and moved into an office at the other end of the world. Although we were still part of the department there was no mixing of the sections which seemed stupid, but it kept Debbie happy. Again there was more friction. The temp seemingly wasn't pulling her weight and so it fell to me to pick up the slack. I was working practically straight through, doing more overtime, and still falling behind. It came to a head in August when I blew up at Debbie after she got on at me about something which hadn't been done simply because I didn't have enough time. I was marched down to HR for an intervention at which I burst into tears. The atmosphere was terrible after that. Debbie said nothing to me if she could help it and I spent as little time in there with her as I could manage. At this point Joss was looking out for me and talking to her manager (Vicky).
In September I was officially moved out from under Debbie and into the Accounts department proper under Vicky. Again all seemed to go well for a while. Unfortunately the stuff that had slipped under Debbie came back to bite me with a vengeance and it wasn't long before I was up for an unofficially official 'meeting' regarding my apparently appalling approach to my work. It was alleged I wasn't carrying my weight as far as the department goes and what with the stuff that had just been put back and back and not yet been done, well from that moment on I was a nervous wreck. Every little thing that happened became potential ammo for an officially official disciplinary, and as a result I felt my work was never good enough. What little confidence I had left was gradually lessening, and although my work improved I don't think I ever got any positive interaction. It was all negative. The positive's were swept under the carpet and ignored. I also became an easy target for hassle in the office. Every comment seemed to be a dig. I never felt comfortable saying anything about anything for fear of having the piss taken whether I was right or wrong. I had a habit of talking to myself simply because it helped me to make sense of stuff and the fact I hate working in complete silence. It also meant that if I ever did say anything it was, for the most part, ignored and as time went on I felt more and more isolated from the people I worked with. I had always enjoyed the interaction I had with my lads, and even this became an issue. I'd have a laugh with them and it brightened my day and I like to think they enjoyed having a goss with me. I found that I developed a relationship with them that meant that I got a positive response when I phoned them. I was more likely to get what I needed out of them, i.e. their timesheets. It also meant they knew if they had any questions about anything they could phone me up and I'd help them out as best as I could and not bullshit them about anything. It became known as my sex line and phone sex became the by-line for the time I spent talking to these lads. We'd have a chat and I'd give them the answers they were after and all was good, and then I'd get hassle from the girls again.
And so the cycle continued. My work was also seemingly considered unworthy of time to be spent on it. Many a time I would be asked to be finished as early as possible so I could help someone else out. I didn't really mind this, and credit where credit is due, Vicky would explain to people who needed stuff from me, generally the Tracker, why it wouldn't be done straight away, but it did seem that my work was considered less important – the fact that if they didn't get paid the lads wouldn't come into work on Monday wasn't at all important. It annoyed me, but all the same I was glad of a little variety – you can only do the same thing for so long before it starts to bring you down.
I honestly didn't think there was a problem and so redundancy was the last thing I expected. I'd been promised the opportunity to get involved with other things ….. involvement that had never materialised due to extenuating circumstances. On Monday Vicky was talking about getting cover for my job for when I wasn't in, Tuesday the Tracker had been moved into another department and I was to be the cover for that, Wednesday I was training someone up on it and telling them if they had any problems they could ask me, and come Friday my services were no longer required. I'll give the Financial Director (Paul) his dues, he didn't beat round the bush as there is no easy way to break something like this to someone. He has to do what is best for the company at the end of the day. However having a new person start in the department on Monday, and after a job opportunity was emailed around the support staff the same day, it seems a bit odd. Maybe it was just an opportunity that they'd been waiting for since my trouble kicked off in March, maybe it was totally off the cuff and unplanned. I don't know and probably never will. I'd say it was upsetting, and as you can appreciate Friday it was – I think it was the shock more than anything else, but as I've thought about it more and my friends have looked out for me and let me bend their ears, I'm beginning to see it as an opportunity.
As I mentioned at the start, I would have more than likely sat there processing my timesheets until doomsday had this not happened. Maybe given the chance now, my back trouble from my dodgy chair will ease off. I'm not on the breadline yet. I've got a nice bit of money coming my way as soon as I sign the paperwork, and they've promised me a good reference.
In the meantime, I'm going to spend a bit of quality time with myself and consider what it is that I want to do. If it means retraining so be it …… if it means going in a completely different direction, that's good too …… we'll see what happens. Until then you'll find me sat on the sofa, randomly surfing the 'Net, bugging you all while I've got too much time on my hands, and watching copious amounts of trashy talk shows – from Jeremy Kyle to Jerry Springer!! Wish me luck!!
It's a hard life innit??? Lol!!
Sunday 12 August 2007
The Most Pointless Bit Of Blogging -- EVER!!!!
I'm probably about to post the most pointless and stupid 'blog' ever – must be the boredom of non-employment setting in already (I assure you there will soon be a blog bemoaning my lack of employment between copious amounts of Trash TV and hopefully before my brain turns to mush from lack of use – best break out the ol' Sudoku!!!), but whilst randomly surfing the internet, chatting with a friend or two, watching TV and judging by how my tastes tend to change with the wind -- the word 'flit' doesn't even start to cover it!! Lol!! -- I decided to waste a couple of minutes of my life compiling The Phwoar List just for the hell of it.
Come one, come all, boys and girls, add your favourites with your reasons, (doesn't matter if they're deep and meaningful or just the result of serotonin and assorted other overactive hormones) and then we can all go away happy in the knowledge that we've just confessed our deepest darkest and potentially most embarrassing celebrity crushes to anyone who fancies a nosey!! I get to start because it's my 'Space. In no particular order ......
* Richie Sambora -- he plays guitar in a rock band. Throughout music history the rock guitarist has been a mainstay in the lusting stakes. As if I care that he's old enough to be my Dad!!! He plays guitar, he has nice cheekbones, and hair to die for …… and that voice woooah. If you haven't heard that voice of his on it's own without The Jovi you've missed a treat!! ^_^ And the hats!! LOVE the hats, and the cool jackets!!! I keep saying -- when God created Richie Sambora he was just showing off!!
* Joe Perry, see above. Similar reasons, different man!! Although I haven't heard his solo stuff yet so I'm being cautious about the voice thing ...... ;)
* Paddy McGuinness -- just look at him. I mean come on, surely you see it too???
* Harrison Ford – Han Solo was just …… he was a pirate and sexy as f…… I know, we're getting back to the old enough to be my Dad thing but c'mon – the guy's still got it ……
* Robbie Williams -- It's the grin. Sorry but it's too damn disarming to not be fanciable.
* George Eads – that would be Nick Stokes of CSI: Vegas fame. He's just …… phwooaar!! I could happily live without the lego hair he's been sporting during the last couple of seasons (I think – could these Programmers possibly run the things in some semblance of order!!!) but other than that he's rather lush.
Come one, come all, boys and girls, add your favourites with your reasons, (doesn't matter if they're deep and meaningful or just the result of serotonin and assorted other overactive hormones) and then we can all go away happy in the knowledge that we've just confessed our deepest darkest and potentially most embarrassing celebrity crushes to anyone who fancies a nosey!! I get to start because it's my 'Space. In no particular order ......
* Richie Sambora -- he plays guitar in a rock band. Throughout music history the rock guitarist has been a mainstay in the lusting stakes. As if I care that he's old enough to be my Dad!!! He plays guitar, he has nice cheekbones, and hair to die for …… and that voice woooah. If you haven't heard that voice of his on it's own without The Jovi you've missed a treat!! ^_^ And the hats!! LOVE the hats, and the cool jackets!!! I keep saying -- when God created Richie Sambora he was just showing off!!
* Joe Perry, see above. Similar reasons, different man!! Although I haven't heard his solo stuff yet so I'm being cautious about the voice thing ...... ;)
* Paddy McGuinness -- just look at him. I mean come on, surely you see it too???
* Harrison Ford – Han Solo was just …… he was a pirate and sexy as f…… I know, we're getting back to the old enough to be my Dad thing but c'mon – the guy's still got it ……
* Robbie Williams -- It's the grin. Sorry but it's too damn disarming to not be fanciable.
* George Eads – that would be Nick Stokes of CSI: Vegas fame. He's just …… phwooaar!! I could happily live without the lego hair he's been sporting during the last couple of seasons (I think – could these Programmers possibly run the things in some semblance of order!!!) but other than that he's rather lush.
Monday 30 July 2007
Such a Bitch!!!
I think I come across as callous …… I also think I think too much but that's by-the-by! Anyway, as I was saying – I think I come across as callous sometimes. Why?? Well I'll explain ……
Last week I received a phone call from one of the site agents at work – nothing new there. He was telling me how one of my lads who's currently working on his site had lost his brother in an accident at the beginning of the week. We had quick chat about what had happened and bemoaned the fact that Charlie's kind of stingy for only allowing a day for compassionate leave, and all was good (or as good as could be anyway!!!). Now this is where the problem arose – he was killed by a tractor – yes folks, you read that right. He was killed by a tractor, and me being me, as soon as I put the phone down, said to my colleague "Well that's an unusual way to die!! Death by tractor. It sounds like it should have comedic value ……" Foot meet mouth – think I chipped a tooth on a toenail. Not that there is anything funny about death. If you know me at all you know I don't believe that, but I think it's a coping mechanism for me.
Despite having suffered loss I don't think I know how to cope with it in a traditional sense – I don't dress all in black (Not specially anyway!!!) and wail over it. I've grown up knowing that death is an inevitable and unavoidable part of life. You can't cheat it no matter what the movies tell you. The body wears out and at some point will just not work anymore – like any machine. That fact was never hidden from me – I was never told that Tigger had tootled off to visit his cousin in Kathmandu. It was "He's gone to heaven – where Grandma's going to look after him" …… a lot of pets went to live with Grandma. Of course the fact that ol' Tiggy died on the front lawn in full view made his demise completely not obvious!! Don't worry – he was an old Puss and a couple of his vital parts stopped working – it's not like we had to scrape him off the road with a shovel …… and there it is again ……
I'd also always been aware that my Dad was a lot older than most other kids' Dads. Beside the fact that my half-sister wasn't much younger than my Mum, which of course made him an old geezer anyway, he always used to say that he wasn't always going to be there – and true to his word, he isn't going to be. The addition of pets to the family probably makes the inevitable a bit more expected and less sensational. I don't think it's the 'how it happens' that's most important, but the 'how you cope'. My preferred option seems to be humour. I don't cry about it – not in front of people anyway. When my Dad died, the patients and the nursing staff must have thought we were mad. We had a little cry in the first few moments but when we got into the waiting room thingummy, crying was quickly replaced by relief which was swiftly replaced by laughter. Even the registrar and the bank manager must have both thought we were a bit heartless when it came to informing them of his death because even though we did what we had to we still had a little laugh or two.
That's how we did it. I didn't cry at the funeral either. Maybe that's why it still gets to me sometimes, because someone somewhere probably IS thinking of me as being callous because I'm not outwardly emotional about this stuff. I never have cried at funerals. With dad's it was more that I didn't want to be there. Not so much because of what was going on, but more because attendance seemed a little bit hypocritical on the parts of some who shall remain unnamed. I don't think I quite understand the crying when a person has gone somewhere where they feel no fear, no pain, no suffering, and, I like to think, live in nothing but peace, happiness and contentment. They meet up with people they've lost, have a big party and don't have to worry about the hangover afterwards.
That said, even though we took the loss in a seemingly joyous stylee, I don't think we really wanted the wake either. Personally, at the time I really didn't want to be around most people generally – especially those who came for the piss-up that really didn't know that much about what had gone on but seemed to just be helping to make up numbers. But they came, they ate, they drank, then they all went home again and got on with life.
I seem to have digressed a tad here, but hopefully this explains a bit about why I seem very disinterested when people talk about their losses. It isn't because I don't care, but it's just that I deal with it in my own way, as we all do, and I have accepted it as an inescapable fact of life that no amount of crying or 'dwelling' will change ……
Last week I received a phone call from one of the site agents at work – nothing new there. He was telling me how one of my lads who's currently working on his site had lost his brother in an accident at the beginning of the week. We had quick chat about what had happened and bemoaned the fact that Charlie's kind of stingy for only allowing a day for compassionate leave, and all was good (or as good as could be anyway!!!). Now this is where the problem arose – he was killed by a tractor – yes folks, you read that right. He was killed by a tractor, and me being me, as soon as I put the phone down, said to my colleague "Well that's an unusual way to die!! Death by tractor. It sounds like it should have comedic value ……" Foot meet mouth – think I chipped a tooth on a toenail. Not that there is anything funny about death. If you know me at all you know I don't believe that, but I think it's a coping mechanism for me.
Despite having suffered loss I don't think I know how to cope with it in a traditional sense – I don't dress all in black (Not specially anyway!!!) and wail over it. I've grown up knowing that death is an inevitable and unavoidable part of life. You can't cheat it no matter what the movies tell you. The body wears out and at some point will just not work anymore – like any machine. That fact was never hidden from me – I was never told that Tigger had tootled off to visit his cousin in Kathmandu. It was "He's gone to heaven – where Grandma's going to look after him" …… a lot of pets went to live with Grandma. Of course the fact that ol' Tiggy died on the front lawn in full view made his demise completely not obvious!! Don't worry – he was an old Puss and a couple of his vital parts stopped working – it's not like we had to scrape him off the road with a shovel …… and there it is again ……
I'd also always been aware that my Dad was a lot older than most other kids' Dads. Beside the fact that my half-sister wasn't much younger than my Mum, which of course made him an old geezer anyway, he always used to say that he wasn't always going to be there – and true to his word, he isn't going to be. The addition of pets to the family probably makes the inevitable a bit more expected and less sensational. I don't think it's the 'how it happens' that's most important, but the 'how you cope'. My preferred option seems to be humour. I don't cry about it – not in front of people anyway. When my Dad died, the patients and the nursing staff must have thought we were mad. We had a little cry in the first few moments but when we got into the waiting room thingummy, crying was quickly replaced by relief which was swiftly replaced by laughter. Even the registrar and the bank manager must have both thought we were a bit heartless when it came to informing them of his death because even though we did what we had to we still had a little laugh or two.
That's how we did it. I didn't cry at the funeral either. Maybe that's why it still gets to me sometimes, because someone somewhere probably IS thinking of me as being callous because I'm not outwardly emotional about this stuff. I never have cried at funerals. With dad's it was more that I didn't want to be there. Not so much because of what was going on, but more because attendance seemed a little bit hypocritical on the parts of some who shall remain unnamed. I don't think I quite understand the crying when a person has gone somewhere where they feel no fear, no pain, no suffering, and, I like to think, live in nothing but peace, happiness and contentment. They meet up with people they've lost, have a big party and don't have to worry about the hangover afterwards.
That said, even though we took the loss in a seemingly joyous stylee, I don't think we really wanted the wake either. Personally, at the time I really didn't want to be around most people generally – especially those who came for the piss-up that really didn't know that much about what had gone on but seemed to just be helping to make up numbers. But they came, they ate, they drank, then they all went home again and got on with life.
I seem to have digressed a tad here, but hopefully this explains a bit about why I seem very disinterested when people talk about their losses. It isn't because I don't care, but it's just that I deal with it in my own way, as we all do, and I have accepted it as an inescapable fact of life that no amount of crying or 'dwelling' will change ……
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