A Change Would Do You Good!!

It's a bit early to post this but if I don't do it now I'll forget!! Lol!! I did my review of the year last year and found it very cathartic, so I figured I'd have another go this year. 2007 has been another year of change. Most of it has already been played out on the ol' blog anyway, but it can't hurt to pull it all together in one blog and see what we come up with. I am writing it a bit all over the place though but Lord knows I can't remember what happened last week, my calendar's just been so chocka! ;)

It's been a busy year this year if nothing else. I don't think I've been so exhausted in my entire life. I may have to take it a bit easier in 2008. But where to start …… I think we should just go with the flow and see what happens. I'm going to try logical but I'll probably bugger it up! A brew is again advisable, as this has worked out at about 3 and a half pages in 8pt in Word!! But then it is an annual review kind of thing! Lol!!

Boycie

So January rolled round and it was back to work after the Christmas break. As per it mostly sucked but the one thing that came out of it was Bubba. I think you know the story by now -- a friend of my friend Joss had asked her before Christmas if she knew anyone who would be willing to re-home a deaf Great Dane – that wasn't Boycie. That was his brother George. In the end that one never came off – his owner decided they might try training this destructive deaf Great Dane. I'm guessing it would be the owners that needed the training but that's by-the-by. It was all a bit sudden in all honesty. But then a couple of weeks later we got another phone call about another Dane that needed a home. THAT was Bubba. The story goes that the breeder sold two Great Dane pups to this guy who subsequently couldn't cope after he started up his own business. He had no time for these two littl'uns and decided to return one of them to his former home in Heanor, Deepest Derbyshire …… not far from Karen's house actually!! ;) We, however, came to the conclusion that that story was a load of …… old tosh. When we went to meet Bubba he had a really bad infection. She told us about how he'd been really poorly when he was first born and in and out of the Vets regularly, how it had resulted in Bronchitis, and that they were plying him with children's cough medicine to alleviate it. We took her at her word and fell in love with this sprightly little guy. Twink came in and met him and they seemed to get on well so we took him home. She phoned the day after to see if he had settled in and we didn't hear anything else from her until we physically turned up on her doorstep with him whilst on holiday to let her see how he was getting on.

Anyway, I'm jumping ahead. We gave the cough medicine a bit of time, and when that didn't seem to improve matters we tried him on honey. When that was worse than useless we decided to take him to the Vet to find out exactly what was going on and to get his vaccinations done. He told us he wasn't even going to think about giving Boycie his jabs until they knew what his respiratory problem was. He decided the best course of action was to see if it was anything communicable that Belle might catch and then go from there. When Belle didn't catch anything from him we went back and it was elected to do X-Rays and such. They showed up a MASSIVE infection – he was a proper poorly boy. But a few months and about £300 of antibiotics later he was better and we could have him jabbed and go on holiday. Karen, you'll be glad to know that since you last saw him when he was a sickly looking scrawny lad he's gotten huuuuge. He's filled out loads and he's a tall lad now who towers over Twink Just ask Kerry!! Lol!!

Jaunts

True to my blog last year, when I swore I would better my jaunting record of 2006, I am happy to report there have been lots of hotels, lots of miles, lots of friends, some disappointments, but mostly a brilliant time had by all. The Producers was a highlight. Although the reason for going originally was Peter Kay, it actually turned out to be a bloody brilliant piece of theatre. All-in-all Kerry and I managed 4 outings to see it because, yes, we enjoyed it that much. As time went on the focus went more towards Cory English, John Gordon Sinclair, Robin Sebastian and later on, Russ Abbott (who did a sterling turn as Roger DeBris in Brum!!), and every time we went there was something new to notice – even for Producers aficionado Kerry Mallison!! ;) There were other good nights out. A trip into Sheffield in June to see Derren Brown freaked both me and Kerry out after a trick with a table that was just as freaky as fuck!! And also a special request from Justin Moorhouse for us to pop over and say hi to him and Alfie after the Hull Truck show he did in November was touching. It didn't happen but it was touching. We need to do some stage door research there!! Russell Brands gig was also a pleasant surprise. Having only seen him on Big Brother related shows, me and Kerry were pleasantly surprised by his performance – he is actually a bit witty!! It wasn't all theatre. There was also gigging. Kerry loved Mika and Scissor Sisters, Gwen Stefani gave us an excellent show, including a mad dash across the back of the Arena mere feet from us and I went a bit giddy after witnessing the talents of many guitarists at a Maroon 5 gig. Kerry's blogged most of these over on her 'Space but if you're not already a friend of hers you'll need to ask!! ;)

Unfortunately, the excessive jaunting is going to be hard to top in 2008. I think it may have to be more quality over quantity -- until we get really desperate anyway!! Kerry and I want to take in the Fringe, and a Bon Jovi gig is already arranged with an aim to a view up a certain guitarist's trouser leg!!;) We've also talked about looking at different venues for shows. We've done Manchester and Sheffield nearly to death (not that we won't go back to Manchester ...... less willing for Sheffield but you all know why so we'll gloss over that!! Lol!!), but I also think next year we need to have a Xmas do of our own -- go to one of these theme nights they have at some hotels and have a blast -- not for a show, but for quality time amongst friends!!

Obsessions, Dedications and Realisations

OK. So there have been a number of obsessions, no, dedications that have reared their heads this year that I didn't actually realise I had in me. The Producers was the first one, being that I loved the show and its hidden jokes and meanings, its sheer hilarity, toe-tapping goodness and [mostly] fantastic and embracing cast. The possibility of being able to see it on several occasions in all its glory was too much to bear ...... so we did!! Mel Brooks played a blinder when he wrote that one. Of course the inevitable recognition by the star after hanging around outside stage doors every time was a bonus. If you want to relive it get the DVD of the 2005 version -- it's as close to the stage show as I think you can get!! Of course it's not as good as the Stage show but it's damn near!!

The next was getting my Bon Jovi back catalogue into something resembling completion -- too much time spent on Fleabay during my time as an unemployed sorted that one out some. Of course there are some that I'm still missing, but even I don't feel comfortable paying £35 (yes £35!!!!) for a CD Single from some time in the 80's!! I begrudgingly paid £11 for one because, judging by eBay, that seemed a reasonable going rate. This one burgeoned into a newly discovered appreciation for guitarist Richie Sambora. Now I justify this by saying I adored his guitar skills way before I realised he is quite a dish. June 2006 I remember standing in the crowd at the City of Manchester Stadium saying, more to myself than anyone else, "Go Richie. Work that Axe!!" rather than "Richie I want to have your babies" as I'm sure a lot of the lasses would have been saying – come on, they had to. Being a rock guitarist is currency in anyone's book!! He's been a favourite guitarist since I discovered rock music in 1994. However, after listening to his solo material since about July this year, I gained a new appreciation for his art, his voice and his heart. He truly is an awesome artist and sorely under-rated by the masses. He's also not bad to look at for a guy old enough to be my Dad – let's just say I wouldn't kick him out of my bed if he happened to find himself in it ;) Lol!! …… I also haven't figured out how he still manages to look so good or have as many faces – what I mean by that is every photo I've seen (of which I have found many!! And Kerry if you say how many I won't even contemplate trying to arrange a private Mesh show for your for your "29 and 13 month-th" birthday!! ;) Anyway back to the blog!!) he looks different every time. It's very much a double-take situation. Not that I'm complaining. I am happy to double-take as often as necessary. ;)

Chat shows. This is a bit of a disturbing one. It's not like I want to have Jerry Springer's babies, or spank Jeremy Kyle's monkey, but it's more the train wreck that is chat show guests. I don't get how people can put their entire life on display to the world (says she who blogs regularly about her life, but those do tend to be Friends Only territory!! ;)) but as Justin Moorhouse observed it's always some Chav called Dwayne from Slough or somewhere, whose ginger-haired girlfriend Chantal is pregnant and on welfare and they're shouting nothing more than "You're the Dad" "I'm not the Dad. You're a slaaaaaag!" at each other. The American ones are the best though – Springer is the Master of the disturbing chat show guest …… "I'm sleeping with my Mom's Brother's Wife's Nephew", "Midgets at War", "I'm sleeping with my Horse", and my personal favourite (which went something like) "I'm marrying my Sister but it's OK, because we didn't grow up together and we already have a baby together." It's incest no matter how you dress it up, and that child is going to be it's own cousin?!?!? And on Maury, oh Lordy!! "I don't know who my baby's daddy is so I'm back to get a 15th man paternity tested" – you think I'm lying!! I actually saw that one!! You have 2 choices Love, cap it or keep your legs shut!! Lol!!

As for realisations, the main one we all know about is Peter Kay. We try not to talk about it so I won't. Suffice it to say although I would still like to try and see him perform live, I don't think I'll go to quite the same lengths as with Paddy. That said, if Paddy starts to go the same way I will actually ask Tony to give him a slap and sort him out!! 'Nuff said!!

Old Job, New Job

From troubles at the beginning of the year to my unemployment come August, my work life has been a major chagrin in 2007. It had been problematic and uncomfortable for three years or so anyway, but the last 18-months or so were the worst it had been. As I've said before, my time at 'the place that shall no longer be named' had been uncomfortable for some time and on more than one occasion I got the distinct impression my face didn't fit. Unfortunately it also seems that one of my fears has come to fruition in that I've heard very little from my friend Joss in recent months. No texts or emails have flown in my direction which is a bit of a bugger. Admittedly she's been going through stuff as well so I'll send her a New Year text and ask how things are going, but it makes me question again how I actually did fit in or whether I ever truly did. Anyway, after nearly three months of unemployment I did finally get a temporary assignment at a company which makes corrugated cardboard packaging outers for some well known companies in the food and chemical industries – don't worry, your Aunt Bessie's won't come dowsed in bleach. We just do the boxes!! ;) I started in November and it was a 12-week contract so at the end of January I may very well be unemployed again. Nobody's said anything about keeping me on, although one of the girls I work alongside has recently confirmed she is expecting, but we're not counting chickens. As with all things it hasn't been totally free from drama – I had a couple of weeks where I came to realise where my place in this company actually was courtesy of said pregnant person. It's not words, it's attitude. However my manager did reassure me that it's just the way she is, he and everyone else knows it and not to take it to heart.

Aside from this minor friction, they're a good bunch. I've proper come out of my shell here. It probably helps that in my personal life I've come out of my shell and bit more in the last few years. A 'positive' result of my Dad's passing. My shelter has gone and I've, well, gone insane!! Lol!! I find it easier to meet people these days – probably because I know I have a good bunch behind me who, whether other people like me or not, will still be there and put up with my, erm, idiocies, bitching, and general insanity and giddiness!?!? I made the conscious decision before I started working again to really put the effort in this time, and after a couple of weeks I did. It's even gone so far as now people realise when I'm not my usual bubbly self. Case in point – Thursday whilst at work I was feeling fragile – not through the excessive alcohol and chocolate consumption that has plagued most, but apprehension about the forthcoming anniversary, and one of the girls, who, bear in mind, has only known me two months said I seemed more distant and less myself than usual. It's happened a couple of times. It's been refreshing to say the least. Other little things have been picked up on too. My manager's also a lot easier to talk to. I was comfortable telling him about my feelings about the situation with my co-worker which pre-empted the conversation about her attitude I mentioned before.

All-in-all it's not been bad the last couple of months, but we'll see what comes next – as I said, not counting chickens yet. Although the fact the contract is almost up has given rise to 'thinking', 'analysing' and 're-evaluating' again. I'm erring on the side of caution and will start job hunting again in a couple of weeks. At least I will have come away with a bit more experience and a new found realisation that I'm not a total lost cause in terms of work. I've gotten over the useless vibe I had at 'the place that shall no longer be named'. I know I won't always get the first job I apply and interview for, but I will get there – and I know you all said it, but you know what I'm like!! Lol!! Although that mythical jackpot winning lottery ticket or marriage to a very successful rock star would be more than welcome!! ;)

Friends Old and New

This year's been a good year for meeting new folk and revisiting old ones -- old as in known for a while not ancient and decrepit before you jump at me!! ;) Every opportunity to get together for a 'do (or even just for the hell of it!!) has been grabbed with both hands and as per tradition a fun time has been had by all ...... I hope??? Be it molesting Stormtroopers, lead singers and older brothers, surviving killer balloon attacks, staying up all night chatting and rolling in through the front door at 5am, trying to talk the way into a members only club (which was actually a really shit place and not really worth the effort in my opinion!!), a trip round the shops, going to feed some ducks, or getting together for a meal and a show, it's all been good, and I'm once again very happy to have got to spend some time, both online and offline with you all. We are going to have to get some more stuff arranged for next year though.

Deep and Meaningful

It's been an odd kind of year this year. I've been very introspective. I think it's been down to the volatile kind of year I've had. Hopefully the ride will be smoother in 2008. It's all been played out on here in amazing detail, but with the trouble I had at work, feeling the loss of my Dad (possibly due to the trouble I had at work and how much it pissed me off), being made redundant and struggling to find new employment for a bit, I spent a lot of time reflecting. No doubt it'll continue as I'm already having another 'crisis' now my contract is coming to an end in the near future, but as Karen commented on one of the blogs, it's been very cathartic. It should be a mantra – Blogging is a byword for therapy. And as Kerry added, they'd make a fortune out of us lot. You've all gone above and beyond the call of duty for me this year. More cheering and supporting this year, except this year, rather than being support for celebrity 'stalkage' it's been more for the sake of my sanity and that is never a bad thing! My sanity needs all the help it can get!! Lol!! I said it before and I'll say it again – Kudos to you. You know who you are.

The Future

So what does 2008 hold for little ol' me then?? Top on the agenda is my Bon Jovi gig – I love those guys. I'm so looking forward to it, it isn't even funny. I may very well wet myself from sheer excitement by the time June rolls around. Lol!! There are rumours of a Paddy McGuinness tour that will require several trips to watch, because we know he's very good and I've been missing out on my hugs this year. There was one in June from the lovely Tony but you can never have too many. Am I right or am I right?? There will be an attempt to take him en masse – he may never get over it, but it will certainly be one for the books of McGuinness stalkers, North and Midlands divisions. On a related note, if I could also get my hands on one Richie Sambora you may never see me again because I will have died and gone to heaven. :D

Also, little thing, I'm hoping to actually manage to grow my fingernails again. I had lovely nails until about March this year and then I chewed them to buggery, so I'd like to get those back in shape. Preferably in the next couple of months. I also need to try and get a handle on my shoe addiction. I have only one pair of feet and many, many pairs of boots – some of which I had forgotten I have!!! Same goes for watches. I can only wear them one at a time or I look like a twat …… and I have many, many watches in many different colours and styles. There is one more I have set my heart on and therefore must own but after that strict controls!! Also going to bed at a reasonable time (says she who is still writing this at about 2.30am), especially on work nights. When I became an unemployed my sleep pattern went to hell, so even though I'm back at work I'm still going to bed at 1am and having to be awake to get ready for work at 6.45am. Technically it's more 7.45am-ish when I actually roll out of bed but the alarm goes off at 6.45am by which point you don't get back to sleep proper, and I have to be out the door at about 8am-ish to get a lift in with Mum even though technically my work day doesn't start until 9am. I get a crafty 20 minutes or so in the car when Mum drives, but y'know, both ends of the candle and all that.

I'm sure there'll be more. Like I said last year, I don't do resolutions, just aims, and that was them for the moment

The Bible

This is a new one. Don't worry -- I haven't suddenly found religion. There is now a book – a jaunting bible if you will that Kerry and I have been proposing for a while. A list of acts we want to see again, acts to see at least once, acts we will see if we're stuck for something to do, acts we refuse to go and see under pain of death, there was talk of a "Where's The Stage Door?" section but I think that's a bit 'hmmmm' so we'll think about that some more. It will also have classic quotes. I say will because we haven't started filling it in yet!! Lol!! Those stupid things every one of us come out with when our mouths go into gear before our brains, or that just create innuendo without even trying. Not that it's for anything more than our own entertainment, but Kerry and I have already got some classics lined up. I was going to put some "Quotes Of The Year" up but some of them you just won't get and if you have to explain them they're just not funny. Although I did quite like the ones from this last weekend "Less Monsters of Rock, more Monsters of Cock!" and "Is he Jewish?" I'll let Kerry explain those because she has much trouble concentrating when I mention those!!

Anyway, here's to 2008. May it bring us all much more joy, happiness and jaunting!! When's the next big hurrah??

H.
xx

It’s Christmas!!! Bah-Humbug!!

Sometimes I think there's still a big hole in my heart. It occurred to me yesterday when I got in a right state at work. Yesterday afternoon I'd got everything done that I could do which gave me time to think, which is never really a good idea anyway, but it's even worse in December …… and March. . I'd already had a bad week and my lack of work gave me time to reflect on my Dad and how he wasn't here. I just kind of sunk into some kind of funk in the space of a couple of hours. It was the longest afternoon of my life, with the exception of that first day back at work after the funeral.

I've not been too fond of Christmas since that year. It's supposed to be a joyous affair and you hear people discussing how they're spending Christmas with family and how they've bought their folks this, that and the other and it just reminds me that half my parentage isn't around anymore. The first year was the worst. It was coming up to the anniversary and I'd forced myself to get out there and socialise in the hopes it'd take my mind off it, and for a little while it did. I was at work's Christmas do and you know how these things work. All the Christmassy songs come at the end of the night and I was fine with Slade and the like, but then Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' came over the disco and I started crying. Not all out sobbing, but enough to feel self-conscious. All I wanted for Christmas was my Dad. That was the longest 3.5 minutes of my life. I was just glad that it was dark and no-one could see, because Lord knows I doubt they'd understand. I think we've established that I'm a soft sod …… but don't tell anyone! ;)

Most of them had the empathy and tact of, well, something with no empathy or tact. They were jaded by life for the most part and, to be honest, I didn't really like to talk about it that first year – or any other for that matter. I think most were completely oblivious that anything was wrong. I have no idea how far round work my loss had got, but it was all very 'carry on regardless'. In future years I would mention Dad in passing, but no-one really asked about him. I suppose if they didn't know they probably just thought he'd left – I mean, I admit it isn't common for a twenty-something to lose a parent, and he was so poorly that last year that for the four months I was at Spencer before he died no-one had seen him. Mum was my I.C.E contact – made sense as she would likely outlive my Dad.

People don't always seem to understand that I just don't do Christmassy at the moment. No doubt at some point in the future I will, but it's just a long time coming. I suppose part of the problem is the focus. In all probability if I had a family of my own it'd give me a reason to get into the spirit, but that's not the case. I'm lucky, if lucky is the right word, in that here there are 2 people in my new department who have experienced the same fairly recently and have an idea of how I'm feeling even after nearly four years. Yes. It will be four years come 29 December. I didn't think it'd take me this long to 'recover', but swings and roundabouts I guess. My manager mentioned that come December the Christmas tree would go up and they'd get all festive. He asked if that would be a problem– equality and inclusiveness in case I was a member of some religion that didn't do Christmas I guess, so I felt it was only fair to say that it wouldn't be a problem, but that I was likely to get very quiet at times and explained why. He was very understanding.

My first quiet period came yesterday. I'd been quiet all day – during the morning due to my bad week, and by mid-afternoon when I still hadn't said very much due to my depressive nature raising its head he asked if I was OK. I just said I was a bit pre-occupied and he said that even though he was busy with month end stuff, if I needed to talk …… I lost count of the number of times I nearly burst into tears, especially when stuff kept going wrong and I got even more down. Then at the end of the day, one of the other girls asked if I was OK because I'd been quiet. I told her I was just preoccupied – which is true, I just didn't say about what. At least they noticed here. I guess it comes back to the comfort level. I've been much more comfortable here than I ever was at Spencer, so my sociable side came out within the first week or so – something they never really saw at Spencer because of the attitude people had towards me which I've mentioned a couple of times previously. ;) They're more embracing here. I don't feel isolated. OK. There are times when I do but that's due more to me still trying to get to grips with how things work here, but my bubbly side has still come out. I don't feel uncomfortable like I did before. It just made my lack of interaction more noticeable – they didn't just assume it was my cold fish-ness coming out. I didn't mention any of this to Mum, although whilst out with Kerry last night, and still feeling a little bit down, I did tell her all about what had happened. We both decided that mentioning it to Mum would probably just make her worry about me and bring her down too. So it was me and Kerry against the depression. Lol!! I felt better for it, and I feel a bit more positive today, but we'll see what happens.

I don't think I used to be a deep thinker …… or an emotional wreck for that matter. It's like I've said before. On the one hand losing Dad was a positive. I decided I had to take life by the horns and go with it …… I didn't realise it'd be quite as tiring as it turned out to be though. Lol!! I still have my quiet periods -- those moments when something happens that cause me to dwell on my Dad and how things may have turned out. Then I remember that if he were still around I would still only be 10 years old. I wasn't allowed to spread my wings because he was very protective and old fashioned. I run my own life now. I do what I want when I want to. If there's a show I want to see all I need to do is ask Mum if it clashes with her social life and give Kerry a call/send a text/send an email (when it works!!)*. ;) There's very little holding me back these days …… now if only I could get a career I really love, marry a rock star or win the lottery ……

*Delete as applicable.

H.
xx