As per usual the new year came in like a damp squib this year. I think this festive season I’ve had a much more difficult time mentally than in previous years. To be perfectly honest, it’s been on a par with the entrance of 2005 …. bad year, but not quite as bad as the year before, but just a lot of stuff going on in my head this year. 2010 is now upon us and, as has become traditional, it’s time for the “how much has my life sucked” blog to arrive. I still have it better than most. At least I’m employed. Not happily employed but employed nonetheless and for that at least I should be grateful if I can’t be happy about it.
To be perfectly honest this year has been much less eventful than previous years. An uncertain employment situation hasn’t really help with the jauntage this year – my desire to arrange anything kinda lulling until I knew in June that I still had a job. Being told you’ll be employed verbally and getting it in writing in the current economic climate are 2 completely different things, so I didn’t exactly feel happy organising anything until I was settled and knew funding it wouldn’t be a problem. A couple of theatre trips, a comedy gig or 2 and 3 gigs is kinda pitiful considering my past performance – guess Paddy wasn’t touring this year. ;) I have however also spent a lot of time with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Feeling responsible for what other people do or putting other people first and feeling generally miserable.
I regained my passion for Jovi this year, not that I’m really convinced it ever went away. It just hit a new level this year with 2 trans-Atlantic trips on the cards. It doesn’t seem at the moment that I’ll be spending much time at home during April to July this year …. well maybe I will but the trips I’m planning are VERY close The 30th birthday New York trip has been put on hold for a little while for various reasons, but my 30th year will be celebrated in style with a Jovi gig in Dallas the day before. I think it’ll make me very happy (especially if a certain rock star serenades me on the night ;)) and at least it’s something different. My Jovi jauntage this year will be Dallas in April, 3 nights at Meadowlands in May and 3 more at the O2 in June – more if I manage to get the job I want and relocate to the capital …. or if the boss will allow me more days off. ;) I promise, until they start kicking off I will say no more. :) I have also invested in a ticket for a Kiss gig in May for fun and laughs. Apparently it’s a good show so it should be an experience if nothing else.
Speaking of work, I’m still on the lookout for my calling in this world. I think I’ve begrudgingly come to the reality that if I don’t manage to turn my life around this year, doing something I want to, rather than something I HAVE to, I never will. Certainly not the situation I find myself In now. My current work environment is consistently uncomfortable, stressful, and soul destroying. As I’ve said before, my boss exasperates me; be it the way he manages his department, his seeming lack of interpersonal skills or that he feels the need to ask everyone about everyone else’s job, apart from the person whose job it is if that makes sense. Also with my colleague and friend Suze leaving in about a week I think it will be even worse. When it all comes down to it, she keeps me sane in the place. The new girl will have a helluva a job to fill those boots. ;)
I did find a job that I thought I could really get my teeth into but I’ve not heard anything about it and it’s now seemingly unavailable. Whether that’s because they’ve just not told me they want me for interview, or if it wasn’t meant to be we’ll discover after Christmas. It may just have been taken down for the break.
I also need to attempt that whole “health” thing again. I kinda gave up on it when my numbers weren’t dropping even though my diet isn’t REALLY all that bad and I was doing my session every day. Of course, I STILL have no idea why it came to such an abrupt halt when my calorie intake was seemingly below the recommended intake and my activity level obviously increased.
I’m trying to embrace the whole “live your life” philosophy. I think I need to start playing the lottery or get a better job to fund my exploits! Lol!! So what’s brought about all this crap? It’s been a bad year in the world this year, and I don’t mean mine. It’s been difficult to see so many of my childhood idols leave this mortal coil and not one of them SHOULD have died …. all way too young to have left this plane of existence – the most recent being Brittany Murphy (only 2 years my senior) and the drummer from Avenged Sevenfold (never listened to them but the fact he was only 28 kinda freaked me out more). It kind of brought my own mortality even more to the fore. I’ve had this feeling for 6 years after losing my Dad, but I think someone high profile and my age kinda brings it back even more. What do they say? But for the grace of God that could be me – and I’m so not the religious type.
These people are all individuals who knew what they wanted, did it and I’m pretty sure enjoyed it and therefore lived life for them. Yeah, they had their obligations as we all do, but they had a life doing for them too. That’s something I need to do. I spend way too much of my time, seemingly even more so this year, putting my life on hold and putting everyone else first, or feeling responsible for other people and their actions but whereas the former may be an admirable trait, I need to learn to be selfish on occasion. ;)
OK, so this has turned into less of a retrospective and more of a “what’s to come”. Either way it’s suitable for this type of blog this time of year. I could go into how I’ve spent way too much money on CD’s and Guitar Hero this year, or how I bought my first ever concert tee from an actual concert rather than eBay, or that I have now entered the 21st century at last buy purchasing a Wii, DS and a DVR this year …. but everyone knows how much I enjoy a good ol’ shopping spree. ;)
I will , however, add one more thing. For another year I have had the best friends ever. You've been amazing yet again. I know you always are and you know I always appreciate it but I'm not sure I actually SAY it enough. Once again you've let me bitch and moan at you, regardless of what is happening with you, and have never asked for anything in return and for that I thank you. You keep me sane and you have no idea just how much I love you guys! xx
Here’s hoping that 2010 turns out to be a better experience for us all whether we realise it or not. Happy new year everyone. :)
H.
xx
