Well, Monday was my first day back at school – or rather college!! I was a little bit apprehensive – I mean who wouldn't be after not having set foot in a classroom in any way, shape, form or capacity for nine years – uni doesn't count because they didn't look like classrooms and you had lectures rather than lessons – it's a thin line but it's still a line!! Lol!!
I had to stop at the Adult Education Centre on the way to pay my exam fee for the Sage course – unfortunately the DWP won't pay it for me so I've had to cough up the grand total of £45 and change, but that's by-the-by. That took longer than expected because the woman I needed to see was on the phone – that'll learn me to not make appointments to let them know I'd be coming!! Lol!! As soon as that was paid I had to head on to college – Christ it sounds weird saying that!! I thought my days of education were way behind me – especially when it came to training for my working life – the odd 'fun' course -- y'know the ones, pottery, painting with watercolours, creative writing -- I would probably have found myself doing at 50 is a different matter, but a course with actual textbooks?!?!? I felt about 16 again!!
I got to the college at about 12.15 because I had in my mind that it didn't kick off until 12.30, but I'm jumping ahead of myself here. Before I hit the classroom I had to finish my enrolment for the course. Those of you that have read the last blog know there was a problem with evidence of JSA – it didn't get any better. I'd had a letter the day after the original enrolment date telling them about some backdated benefit and phoned the college to see if that was evidence enough. I explained that the letter had my address, the processing centres address, my NI number, bank details and enough detail (I thought!!) for them to accept it as evidence and the woman I spoke to said it was fine. Well, I got there and handed it over to what turned out to be a proper jobsworth type, who was about to kick off as it only mentioned the backdated JSA. I explained that and told her I'd been told that this letter was OK and she begrudgingly accepted it. By-the-by I got another letter from the DWP this morning explaining the arrangements for my JSA from now until whenever so that would've been handy on Monday!! Anyway, as I was saying, I gave her this letter and she did what she needed to do with it and gave me back my copy of the enrolment form – she actually wanted to keep this letter and seemed surprised when asking if I wanted a copy (bear in mind this is evidentiary material that the DWP have sent out to me to record an unusual sum of money they've paid me!!) and I asked for the original back!! Methinks she thought because I'm on benefit that I don't know a thing or two – at least I know first hand that the stigma of being on benefit isn't imaginary. Maybe after this I'll have a bit more compassion for those who are on it because how do I know what their situation is?? Although, if we're talking about those who take advantage because they reckon they're better off out of work than in it, I reserve the right to change my mind. I'm already sick of people looking down their nose at me because OBVIOUSLY I'm a lazy bitch who doesn't want to work!! Ooops. Bit of a tangent there …… back to the story ……
With enrolment done she was all set to just send me on my merry way with no indication of where I was supposed to be going. She was just about ready to turf me unceremoniously out on my arse to fend for myself, so I quickly piped up "Where do I go now??" and with a definite air of annoyance she said "Go to reception and ask them. They'll tell you where to go" Gee thanks, that's nice of you to deign to freely share that bit of information with me – note the sarcasm!! On my way out I had a quick look at the form and found out he'd put a 12pm start on it …… I was sure he'd said 12.30 on the phone …… and it said 1pm on the leaflet …… now I was confuzzled. The lass at reception was much nicer, even if she was run off her feet, and directed me upstairs to the classroom. I spent the walk to the room thinking "Wow, you're making a fantastic impression here, Hannah!! Half an hour late on your first day!! Well done!! Have a chocolate biscuit!!" and trying to think of some excuse for my tardiness – should I blame traffic or errands that ran late or should I just bite the bullet and admit to my belief that the class didn't start until 12.30. I was still trying to find the excuse when I got the room. There were a few other people in there, but no sign of the tutor so I breathed a huge sigh of relief and walked in. They'd been there since noon by all accounts and were already well into the bonding part of the experience. I secreted myself at the end of the first row of desks thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?!?!?" I really wanted to turn around and go home again. The experience with the bitch downstairs had put me right off already and I hadn't been there 2 minutes!! When I was there the first time around 11 years ago they were much nicer. Maybe she's a new person?? Maybe she's been jaded by mid-teens with bad attitudes or benefit people who want to do anything but work?? Or maybe she was just a bitch …… I couldn't decide.
Of course as per usual, with an unfamiliar situation, I closed down and got all introverted. I know you're all thinking "No way" – well let me tell you something, if I'm in a group I don't know at all I get horribly introverted, withdraw into my own little world and over think why I'm where I am and whether I've done the right thing. It takes me a few weeks to settle in and then I tend to turn into the person you all know and sometimes love!! ;) It didn't help that all these people I was in the room with were getting along like they were friends from way back, but I just wasn't comfortable. Not one of them said a word to me which made my introversion all the worse. I was feeling isolated already and wondered if I could hack that for a year or more. I sat there playing with my pen and looking around this classroom, reading and re-reading the various notices and posters on the walls, wishing I was at home watching Springer and contemplating the long night I had ahead of me. It had been different back in the day – I'd hooked up with 3 other prospective loners on day one and all was good with the world for the 2 years we spent there. Right now I was just hoping for a friendly face and coming up empty.
The tutor appeared at 1pm. There was a disagreement between him and some of the learners (we're not students anymore – we're learners …… scruffy learner types …… doesn't have quite the same ring does it!! ;)) about the start time he'd put down on these forms. I wasn't getting involved. I had my form with me and knew EXACTLY what he'd put but I'm not going to kick off on day 1 about something so frigging stupid. All the middle-aged women talking to him like they were trying to start an argument with their husbands …… I mean …… The afternoon turned out to be nothing more than an orientation-style session. We had learning agreements to sign, more forms to fill in, student cards to be produced (I had to have my picture taken and I didn't have my slap on?!?!? Thankfully my skin's cleared up a bit since I finished work – probably because my stress level has dropped dramatically, so the pic wasn't all that bad. I just look a bit pinker than usual!! Lol!!), a quick guided tour and general overview of the course and staff. The overview got me even more down. For an AAT you have to produce a portfolio which includes providing evidence of your current working status/position in your organisation. I have no status or position and began wondering whether I was just wasting my time. There was also a lot of mention of people coming direct from work to college, etc. which also sent a pang of guilt down my spine. I was sat there thinking that they all knew and were judging me the same way The Bitch probably had. I survived it and it was all done and dusted by 3.45 so I got to go home and relax a bit before Round 2 kicked off. I was already exhausted and was struggling not to nod off while I watched some trashy chat shows and Judge Judy.
The Sage session went better. They were more inclusive from the get-go. Maybe it's because I was one of the early ones, or just because it was a seemingly, older, more informal group – more 'Adult' than 'School' and no matter how much they say you'll be treated as adult learners at the college, in an environment where the majority of students are 16 to 19, there will be a certain bleed over in their approach to teaching these different groups. But I took my seat and people were talking to me straight off. One of them introduced herself to me and we had a bit of a laugh, and it was just, well, BETTER. The atmosphere was lighter. The College classroom had been mainly comprised of people more my own age with the competitiveness that inherently bred, the Adult Education class was mainly older ladies, who were more than likely just there to get the piece of paper to prove they could actually do what they could already do. The feeling was less academic and more relaxed. I was enjoying it more. At the moment the course seems to be a piece of piss – I say 'at the moment' because it is only Week 1. The stuff I did in the class on Monday was mainly data entry, but it's familiarising myself with and gaining valuable experience of the program which is what I need more than anything else.
I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the whole experience of Monday. I came to the conclusion that as far as the AAT goes I'm going to be keeping myself to myself. It's just an expectation I have, but that suits me fine. My study buddy will be at home ...... Mum's doing the same AAT course but elsewhere!! She's doing the "At your own pace" version. I'm going to be screwed if there's any type of group work that needs doing in the classroom, but I've worked on a supposedly group project on my own before and there's no reason why I can't do it again!! I'm not going to jack it in. I can't. I hate to say it, but if I stand a chance of getting better offers and interviews than Accounts Assistant, Purchase Ledger Clerk or Data Entry Clerk at £13000 per annum, it's something I have to do. I may have a piece of paper which says I have a degree in BS (that's Business Studies not Bullshit, although I'm sure I'd sail through that one considering the amount of shit I spout sometimes!! ;)) but that's not what they're asking for so I NEED to do it. It's the same with Sage. Very few people have heard of the system we used at Spencer, and Sage is the common thread that runs through many of the adverts so I need to do that one too if I want to get a job no matter how quick a study I am. The less training a prospective employer has to provide the happier they are …… end of!!
So that's the tale of my first return to education. I'm going to see how they go and decide later if I want to do the final level of the 2 courses. They won't do me any harm but it all depends how I get on with them and where I feel I'm at 10 or 12 months from now. We'll see how it pans out ……
H.
xx
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