Confession Is Good For The Soul

They say confession is good for the soul, well, this week I've done something I've never done before in my LIFE! I pulled a sickie – not just 1 day, but 2. Now, the first day was relatively legit. I'd had a headache on Sunday which I put down to being overtired and getting too warm (and shopping in ACTUAL real-life shops!! ;)), but never got around to taking anything, and figured after a good nights sleep I'd be reet. When I woke up Monday morning I came over really dizzy and my head felt really thick. So mum phoned in sick for me. Now, I don't think you can justify having a bad headache as reason for a day off, so she told my boss I'd eaten something dodgy and had been up all night being sick – nice!! Food poisoning left the door open for another day off, but I must say I was torn. It doesn't happen regularly or EVER for that matter, but after the events of last week I wondered why I bother. I felt a bit guilty about even contemplating it as it meant Joss, who I actually hold a lot of respect and care for, would be the poor sod who gets my work dumped on her.

So here I am on my second day off 'sick', because after being treated like shit on a daily basis, and accused of slacking after working my arse off after the chaos that was left for me when I came back from my hols when they couldn't cope, I DID wonder why I bother and just for once I was going to be selfish. I put myself out on a daily basis for that lot and I get fuck-all respect for it. It's got to the point where they just expect it of me.

Some people think it's nothing to be worried about – everyone does it, right?? Well, I don't. I may say I'd like to but I still get up and go to work, because at the end of the day I feel guilty for not turning up. I've lost track of the number of times when I've come into work dead on my feet with full blown flu, or the like, when I should have been in bed looking after myself and getting better, and, to be honest ending up with all manner of lingering ailments where I've not taken the time to get myself better, whereas people stay off for lesser ailments.

For example, last March I came down with the flu (which really pissed me off because I was looking at going to Paddy's gig in Blackpool, y'know, the one he recorded!! ;)) and still dragged myself into work whilst the temp took time off for a cold, and that lingered for MONTHS afterwards, because part of me thinks I wound up with a touch of a chest infection from that. Lemsip's a wonderful thing!! Then last November/December I caught that real bastard of a cold that nearly everyone came down with at some point and took time off for, but I was at work every day and the cough that came with it also hung around for nigh on 3 months because I kept dragging myself into work instead of looking after myself. Bit of a tangent there, but you get the idea.

I know, I know. I'm not actually sick today but just once, in a work context, I'm thinking of me first. I'm sorry if that makes me seem evil, but I'm sick of playing by the rules unlike most. I make appointments after work unlike most, I drag myself in half dead unlike most, I try to be honest while others fuck over the system and get away with it. It sounds like I'm trying to justify this and I suppose to a certain extent I am. I'm trying to be honest. Well there it is. I've confessed, and I feel better for it. There's still a bit of guilt there, but I think I have to put myself first sometimes even if it is a bit deceptive.