*sings* And now, the end is near, and so we face, the final curtain …… on 2006 anyway.
Yes it’s that time of year, were one year ends and we ring in a new one. We’ve had our highs and lows, our arguments and resolutions, our breaking ups and making ups, we’ve stuffed ourselves stupid with food and drink for a week and now it’s time for the last big hurrah of 2006, and to wipe the slate clean and shiny for the coming year.
It’s been a heck of a journey for me this year, what with meeting new people, seeing new places, having new experiences and learning new lessons. I’ve had my highlights and my low points, and sometimes it seemed as though the lows far outweighed the highs, but that was probably only because the lows seem to have a much more profound effect on me.
Personally I want to see out this year focusing on the highs. The main one being acquiring the knowledge that there is nothing and nobody (except my own fears) in this world that can stop me doing anything (legal!!!) or going anywhere I want. This year I broke free and decided to do what I wanted to do. I know it sounds melodramatic but that is how I feel about the thing. For 8 years I focused intently on what other people wanted and expected from me. I played the dutiful daughter and spent all my energy pleasing others, even going so far as to sacrifice my wants in life for others, but 2006 was my coming out!! Steady on!!!
2006 was the year when it all started coming together. Actually, in all honesty it started in November 2005, with a last minute (cripes!!!) night out in Grimsby to see Paddy McGuinness on tour, but that’s another story. Actually a little bit of history may be useful. It was the most valuable lesson my dear-departed Dad taught me even though he never realised it and it took nearly 2 years to grasp it. You only live once.
I was lucky – if lucky is the right word. My Dad died while I was at a young age (23) and could still make some changes to my life. I mourned for 2 years, concentrating on how other people were coping with stuff and pushing my own feelings to one side and shouldering the woes of the immediate world. Yes, I would cry over my own loss and problems but I would never put them onto someone else so they could support me.
That November my chance came so see this comedian I’d only seen on TV once and who I’d thought was quite funny, live at a local venue – one I knew I could get to easily without the panic attack I would undoubtedly get if I travelled more than half an hour down the road – you have to remember at this point I was a sheltered individual who still felt the need to report in every little thing to my Mum when I was away from the house. *breathe* That comedian was Paddy McGuinness. It sounds pathetic but he got me interested in an area that would see me changing my outlook, and who also became a significant factor in the amount of mileage I’ve done this year!! ;)
Anyway, back to the almost present, about 12 months ago!! ;) 2005 may have been the beginning of something beautiful, but 2006 was when my new-found attitude really kicked in. Although I still respected and tried to please others, I decided that I had to do some things for me too. My first major triumph came in March and was driving myself a good 200 miles to Blackpool to see Little Britain Live – something I’d been working myself up to doing since the previous December. Now there were some very minor panic attacks during that trip but the now infamous Sat Nav – or Dozy Mare as she is often affectionately referred to – helped with those no end. The following months saw me taking that trip to the Lancashire area many more times, and although I still struggle to find my way into the Greater Manchester area, it is now a journey I look forward to being as I can do it with my eyes closed. Not literally, obviously. That’s just asking for trouble!!!
My aim after that trip to Blackpool was to have something to look forward to every month, and that is something I aspire to achieve again this year. Not only did I aim to manage it, but I achieved it – well almost, July was a bit ‘meh’ – but some months were more sparse than others which made up for the lack of jauntiness in July, but every month, as it came up to my next jaunt, I was a happier person. March was Blackpool, April was Bolton, May was Blackpool again, June – Manchester, August – Our Annual Holiday, September – Sheffield, Harrogate, and Manchester again, October – my furthest jaunt, Plymouth, and Salford, November – Sheffield, Doncaster, Bolton again, Salford again, and December – Leeds (twice in 2 days – arse!!!), Sheffield. It made me proud that I managed these trips and although it may seem like a stupid thing, it meant something to me. I was finally taking charge of myself and my life. If you take nothing else away from this blog, I hope you remember this lesson.
2006 also saw me making a whole bunch of new and fantastic friends – ones who would listen and not judge, who would support me without having to say a word, bring me up when I was down and just indulge in complete silliness with. They know exactly who they are, so I needn’t say more about them. Suffice it to say thank you for putting up with me and my idiocies, sick jokes and general down-ness!! You all mean the world to me and I wouldn’t change any of you for the world. You cheered me up and offered support when I was having problems at work, you encouraged me to look beyond where I was and to share my woes (although some were probably a bit dramatic!!!), and you were there with the flags as I did my duty …… as self-nominated ‘stalker’!!! ;)
Seriously, 2006 has been one of my better years, and it all stems from that freezing cold November night in 2005 outside the Grimsby Auditorium, where I had my first run-in with a new hobby – not the man (though chance would be a fine thing!!! Come on – you KNOW I had to get that one in!!!!) but the vocation. Something that has brought me a great deal of pleasure for the last 12 months, and that has forged new relationships and attitudes in its wake and one that I hope to continue into the next year.
I haven’t really thought much about New Years Resolutions – I honestly don’t see the point of making a list of things to accomplish over the coming year that will be discarded within a few weeks, or that I will beat myself up over if and when I fail at them. I have a list, a list of things to aim for that I have had since summer 2005, a list of things that have given me a focus without a timescale and a list that I am proud to say I have actually accomplished parts of. Some of these aims are going to take longer to accomplish than others and I accept that – or at least I will until I’m 30 and then start panicking about if I haven’t done some of them and then write off as a bad job if some of them are still outstanding when I’m 35!! ;) They’re not the be all and end all of my life. They’re about making me happy, and hopefully if I’m happy other stuff will fall into place along with them.
You’ve had the Merry Christmas – now I hope you all have the Happy New Year to match. I hope your dreams come to fruition, and if they don’t that you have fun trying to grab them. I hope 2007 is a great one for you and yours, and that we have as many laughs along the way as we have had this year!!!
Here’s to you – My Friends!!
And I’m not even on the sauce yet!!! ;)
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