Two weeks ago I espoused the virtues of online friendships and I stand by every word. However this last week or so I was privy to the darker side of online friends.
It’s not as if I’m stupid enough not to realise that a person can be whoever they want to be on the internet; that they can make up any story they want and make people believe it, and take it to whatever conclusion they wish. However these can take a much sinister turn.
Two weeks ago I spoke of how one of my online friends had been suffering with cancer and how the disease had finally taken her life. Now however it seems all is not quite as it seems, and I still feel wholly manipulated, betrayed and pissed off by events.
It’s a long and sordid tale. A classic tale of ‘love’, loss and betrayal …. at least from one party’s point of view anyway. I became aware of the true extent of the whole situation both as it was coming to a head and afterwards. Suffice it to say that the friend I thought had died actually hadn’t. Believe me when I say that I can’t believe I could be so gullible but I think any ‘normal’ person wouldn’t make up a story about such a serious condition, and I’m not the only one to feel this way. Taking it one step further and creating a second persona to carry on the argument was also just beyond reproach, especially as it seems that was the sole purpose of returning.
She may have seen this decision as a chance at payback at those who she’d fallen out with, but she failed to consider the effects on the people who actually cared and mourned for her. And that is where my issues come. It’s one thing to pretend you’re successful, or to be much more extroverted when ‘faced’ with strangers on the internet, but preying on people’s emotions just to get one over on people you don’t particularly get on with is downright despicable.
In the end she was outed by a family member, but still, the amount of pain and hurt she caused with that one ill thought out action will stay with those who did care, for a while yet. As I mentioned earlier, I myself am alternating between feeling hurt and betrayed, and absolutely livid. The profiles in question have now been deleted, however there are rumours amongst my Facebook friends that more of her personalities are alive and well on there ….
I suppose we will never truly know what motivated such actions. For all we, as a community, know she could have been ill, and illnesses cause people to do strange things. Similarly she could have just been a manipulative attention seeker who wanted people to take sides against people who really had done nothing wrong. It could have been all of the above. One thing I do know though is I think I am now a little wiser. I’m not going to ask for documented evidence of whatever is going on with people, but I think I will take whatever people say with a pinch of salt and try to be less naïve. However, I can’t see how successful that will be. My nature means I look for the good in people first which makes me a prime target for this kind of manipulation.
I like the way one (actually several have said it in different ways) of my Facebook friends described the situation: “lots of people were taken in by her... it makes you a good person. Don't feel bad for making a friend... You can't control the actions of other people, just your reaction to them. You have done nothing wrong.” And she’s right. I did nothing wrong. My good nature was taken advantage of. I need to remember that, work through how I feel about that and try not to let it change me.
Fool me once .... shame on you. Fool me twice .... shame on me
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