Well I'm stuck at work with plenty to do and a half empty department and I'm bored stupid. I SO don't want to be here right now. Think I'm getting the pre-Christmas blues. Figured out that it's 44 days until Christmas day .... 49 until I get to mark the anniversary of the day my life started falling apart …. that's depressing. Glad all my Christmas shopping is done. I've also realised I’ve spent a year in a job that depresses and annoys me in equal measure and trying to find ways to escape. That's not healthy. I have an overwhelming urge to blog. I need to get some shit out of my system I think.
It's been nice that the boss hasn't been here the last couple of weeks. It's meant we can actually have a conversation for a change without feeling stares at your back or getting sarcastic comments about the Women’s Institute. Have I mentioned my boss exasperates me?? No?? Well I meant to .... he seems to be coasting until retirement. He doesn't want to rock the boat so he won't have to actually do anything .... like addressing the issues in the department no matter how often they’re brought to his attention. It’s so dysfunctional it isn’t even funny. There’s the expectation that, when he retires in a few years, the QA department will cease to exist. I’m actually hoping for that day to come if I can’t get out.
He's back on Wednesday. I was hoping I wouldn't be here, that I would have motivated myself to apply for a new job while I was on leave a couple of weeks back, been offered it, handed my notice to HR and then only had to deal with him for about a week and a half .... not a chance though. Just not had the energy .... I need to do something though. I know. I need to stop talking about it and Nike it but I'm too chicken!! Lol!! At least I KNOW I’m chicken.
I think I've convinced myself to apply for it but I'm finding it hard to send the application. It's funny because a couple of years ago I was doing everything in my power to escape .... applying for anything and everything. I think my confidence took a real knock at my old job. I couldn't do right for doing wrong there and when I was made redundant I was a mess because I was just getting myself sorted out. That was the second time the rug was pulled out from under me. I sometimes feel the same way about this job - that I can't do right for doing wrong, and that I should have "No fucker told me!!" tattooed on my forehead!! Thing is it seems to be affecting every other part of my life lately …. either that or I’m bi-polar (sorry tri-polar. ;)). It’s also ironic that I’ve been listening a lot to the new Bon Jovi album – yes, I finally listened to it and have had it on repeat for near enough a fortnight. Every word of that album is telling me that I need to start doing for myself, that I’ve earned the right to do so and I need to grab life by the balls and go for it, but even that hasn’t quite spurred me on yet.
After my positivity about Wii-ing the other day I’m struggling to find the motivation to actually do it. After a full day working somewhere that seems to suck the life out of you and destroy your soul, the last thing I want to do is come home and work out. I just want to unwind after 8 hours of being shit on from a great height.
The entire situation I find myself in at the moment isn’t helped by the fact that my mother has an incredible ability to shit on everything I decide from a great height so I then back way very quickly and doubt myself. Rather than just being supportive and saying “go for it, if it doesn’t work out at least you can come home knowing you gave it a shot” she becomes realistic and it just makes me second guess myself and my decision. Drives me nuts!! I don’t know if part of it is because I am her only child and she’s trying to protect me, or to not lose me, but I’m treading water and I’m tired. I’m not quite ready to resign myself to the life plan that seems to be set out before me at the moment. I think my first act of ‘rebellion’ has been to go against everything I was brought up to believe in a financial sense and ‘waste’ my money on a holiday (or several). I don’t think she’s exactly happy about it, but I definitely wasn’t about to let her shit on that too. I will get to see new places, meet new people, and go and see the band I’ve loved for 15 years on their own turf. That can only be a good thing. My life has been on hold for so long. Surely I’m allowed a break??
In other news, my 3 day old pair of uniform trousers split down the seam at some point. Not as embarrassing as you might imagine but I noticed a thigh height breeze as I was walking across the car park after work last night and the stitching had gone. Looked like it had run out of cotton tbh but it hardly says good quality. It's about an inch long .... doesn't bode well but I'm going to employ mummy dearest to fix it. I should probably complain to work but the way it is in that place it won't do any good. No-one gives a damn .... they couldn't be arsed to help with a solution when my blouses were itchy as hell so I doubt anyone'll give a damn now ....
Anyway, back to the grind and my last few days of boss-less freedom .... if anyone sees the Jovi Jet, send it my way. I would like to be rescued thank you very much …. *sigh*
Thursday, 12 November 2009
Sunday, 8 November 2009
Wonders of Wii-ing
It’s been a month or so since I embarked on Wii fitness. Admittedly I’m probably not being as dedicated to it as I could be but let’s be honest, after putting in 8 hours in the most mind numbingly stressful job I’ve ever had the misfortune to hold, who can blame me?!? But I’m still sticking with it ….
I’ll admit I’m impatient and not getting results as fast as I want – I was kinda hoping I’d drop about 4 dress sizes and several stone in 2 months - a girl can dream right?? ;) – but that’s not to say I’m not getting any results. I now don’t get out of breath as quickly as I used to, I’ve not had any funny turns and the blouse I’m forced to wear at my job feels a little looser. I’ve also noticed that the new underwear I bought a couple of months ago is also looser round the back. Y’know what I mean. They say you’re supposed to gradually work your way down the hooks but I’ve jumped 2 pairs with [a little] room to spare. Not that I’m ready to buy a smaller back size. That would mean at least two extra cup sizes – I’m not sure you can even BUY scaffolding that size?!?!?!?
The week before last, when I was on leave I cranked it up to an hour – a direct result of watching Diet Doctors on the Tuesday and listening to the horrors of what I could be doing to myself. I need to discipline myself to do an hour every night whether I want to or not. I haven’t looked much at my diet. I did a rough calculation on a website for my calorie intake (I hate how it sounds like I’m counting calories) and I don’t eat nearly enough of them from their calculations it seems. That’s probably why I’m struggling a little; not taking in enough energy. The job stress probably isn’t helping either. Weight retention as a result of stress is a pretty good bet. I probably need more sleep too, but when a lot of your friends live elsewhere in the world it’s difficult to keep in touch with them, work a full time job and get sufficient sleep. I'm also wondering if it may be a plan to try the Slim Fast thing - not as n "instead of 2 meals a day" thing, but rather to make sure I have SOMETHING to eat first thing. I'm one of these strange people who, a) doesn't generally leave enough time in the morning for breakfast, and b) can't really stomach the idea of breakfast before 10 am. I need to research that idea more though ....
I’ve tended to stick with the Aerobic exercises, specifically the Free Step almost exclusively on the Wii Fit. It means I can watch TV (or listen to some music) while I do my exercise which is better than trying to get excited over a routine that doesn’t change (and apparently doesn’t always register my steps which means it LIES!!! Lol!!). Two half hour routines on that, one immediately after the other, seems to feel more positive than lots of two minute games which lends itself to lots of cooling down in between. Get’s the sweat and heart rate up and keeps it there, leaving a quick enough break to rehydrate. Ooh, get me sounding like I know what I’m talking about. Lol!!!
I also invested in the new Wii Fit Plus software to help break the monotony. I know that sounds bad but it was really just for a bit of variety on the exercises I seem drawn to on there. The most fun exercises in the original are the Aerobic and Balance games but once you’ve got the hang of them and filled up the top 10 scores they’re a bit same old and hard to improve on. It doesn’t really help to encourage you to keep trying them out. ;)
I’ve been told it takes 3 months to see results. I’ve decided I have until March. I want to have had my turning point by my 30th birthday. I will probably be disappointed, but as long as I have a goal to work towards I’m likely to be more focussed on achieving it.
So that’s where I am now. Should be fun …. :s
I’ll admit I’m impatient and not getting results as fast as I want – I was kinda hoping I’d drop about 4 dress sizes and several stone in 2 months - a girl can dream right?? ;) – but that’s not to say I’m not getting any results. I now don’t get out of breath as quickly as I used to, I’ve not had any funny turns and the blouse I’m forced to wear at my job feels a little looser. I’ve also noticed that the new underwear I bought a couple of months ago is also looser round the back. Y’know what I mean. They say you’re supposed to gradually work your way down the hooks but I’ve jumped 2 pairs with [a little] room to spare. Not that I’m ready to buy a smaller back size. That would mean at least two extra cup sizes – I’m not sure you can even BUY scaffolding that size?!?!?!?
The week before last, when I was on leave I cranked it up to an hour – a direct result of watching Diet Doctors on the Tuesday and listening to the horrors of what I could be doing to myself. I need to discipline myself to do an hour every night whether I want to or not. I haven’t looked much at my diet. I did a rough calculation on a website for my calorie intake (I hate how it sounds like I’m counting calories) and I don’t eat nearly enough of them from their calculations it seems. That’s probably why I’m struggling a little; not taking in enough energy. The job stress probably isn’t helping either. Weight retention as a result of stress is a pretty good bet. I probably need more sleep too, but when a lot of your friends live elsewhere in the world it’s difficult to keep in touch with them, work a full time job and get sufficient sleep. I'm also wondering if it may be a plan to try the Slim Fast thing - not as n "instead of 2 meals a day" thing, but rather to make sure I have SOMETHING to eat first thing. I'm one of these strange people who, a) doesn't generally leave enough time in the morning for breakfast, and b) can't really stomach the idea of breakfast before 10 am. I need to research that idea more though ....
I’ve tended to stick with the Aerobic exercises, specifically the Free Step almost exclusively on the Wii Fit. It means I can watch TV (or listen to some music) while I do my exercise which is better than trying to get excited over a routine that doesn’t change (and apparently doesn’t always register my steps which means it LIES!!! Lol!!). Two half hour routines on that, one immediately after the other, seems to feel more positive than lots of two minute games which lends itself to lots of cooling down in between. Get’s the sweat and heart rate up and keeps it there, leaving a quick enough break to rehydrate. Ooh, get me sounding like I know what I’m talking about. Lol!!!
I also invested in the new Wii Fit Plus software to help break the monotony. I know that sounds bad but it was really just for a bit of variety on the exercises I seem drawn to on there. The most fun exercises in the original are the Aerobic and Balance games but once you’ve got the hang of them and filled up the top 10 scores they’re a bit same old and hard to improve on. It doesn’t really help to encourage you to keep trying them out. ;)
I’ve been told it takes 3 months to see results. I’ve decided I have until March. I want to have had my turning point by my 30th birthday. I will probably be disappointed, but as long as I have a goal to work towards I’m likely to be more focussed on achieving it.
So that’s where I am now. Should be fun …. :s
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Live Before You Die
Well the plans for the big 3-0 didn’t exactly fall through. More like been put on hiatus for reasons only a few of us know, but it’s still a big year for me so I decided to do something very silly and make it a full on Jovi year …. well, for a few months anyway but it’ll feel longer!! Lol!!
I will admit that as much as I would love to follow the boys from country to country, staying in the same hotels and seeing every show they do next year (and, it seems, sounding more and more like a stalker) I’m afraid my budget will only stretch so far so I had to set me a limit. That limit became a little more flexible as time went on but meh. I have the savings, I can’t take it with me, and I have a lot of Jovi time to make up for.
I’ve been saving religiously for …. well I’m not really sure what for these days. The original plan was to pay off my student loan. At some point I figured “Fuck it. It’s not costing me anything and it won’t be used against me if and when I go for a mortgage” and then, bolstered by an unexpected win on the Premium Bonds a couple of years back, began saving just because it had become a habit, a good habit, but a habit nonetheless. Suffice it to say in the 7 years I’ve been saving I’ve managed to get a nice little nest egg together to use for a deposit or whatever.
I’ve not really gone without during that period and figured it was about time I treated myself so that was one of the reasons for the NY trip. Now that’s been postponed for a year or so I decided to use some of what I had put away. I’m still saving my money but at the moment what I have is sitting in the bank earning next to no interest (and don’t get me started on what a set of divs Gordon Brown, Mervyn King and the Bank of England are because I may say something I regret – seems everyone else knows how to fix the problem of the economy bar the people who have the power, but then I digress) so may as well use some of it …. so I did it. It’s not something I expect I’ll do regularly but once in a blue moon does no harm. As I have few overheads I can continue to be financially responsible and should be able to replace what I spend in good time.
Truth of it is, it’s one thing to be sensible with your finances, but it’s quite another to put this money away and then die before getting to use it. ;) To quote a well known piece of musical genius “it’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever” and if I do die with this nice little nest egg having never been used I will most certainly be kicking myself …. metaphysically speaking ….
So what did I do? I may have bought VIP packages to various Bon Jovi gigs in London, Mecca (aka New Jersey) and, in the next day or 2, Dallas. Like I said, it’s not something I expect I’ll do regularly but this year I wanted to. I also figured I’m past due. It’s been 18 months since I last saw the boys (admittedly a drop in the ocean compared to some!) and I didn’t do anything spectacular, or at ALL, for my 16th, 18th or 21st birthdays for various reasons, the main one being my Dad. AGAIN!!! Loved him to messes but he cocked it all up for several years even though it wasn’t his fault – not like he ASKED to be ill.
And let’s be honest here, what Jovi fan, in their right mind, is going to turn down the opportunity to go to a gig on or at least that near to their birthday; to have their favourite band at their ‘party’. Here’s hoping the girls fix it for me to be serenaded. They’re under orders to ensure they are displaying signage on the night which says “it’s my buds birthday tomorrow Richie. Sing something different for her, and then give her a big sloppy kiss!!” I’m so sick of I’ll Be There For You ….
So that’s the plan. I’m both excited and apprehensive. It’s going to be a whole new adventure having never even got on a plane before. I’m assured it’s like climbing on a bus. It’s quite a leap for the girl who’s never left our fair shores and has only ever driven alone as far afield as Plymouth.
Roll on 2010 ….. :D
I will admit that as much as I would love to follow the boys from country to country, staying in the same hotels and seeing every show they do next year (and, it seems, sounding more and more like a stalker) I’m afraid my budget will only stretch so far so I had to set me a limit. That limit became a little more flexible as time went on but meh. I have the savings, I can’t take it with me, and I have a lot of Jovi time to make up for.
I’ve been saving religiously for …. well I’m not really sure what for these days. The original plan was to pay off my student loan. At some point I figured “Fuck it. It’s not costing me anything and it won’t be used against me if and when I go for a mortgage” and then, bolstered by an unexpected win on the Premium Bonds a couple of years back, began saving just because it had become a habit, a good habit, but a habit nonetheless. Suffice it to say in the 7 years I’ve been saving I’ve managed to get a nice little nest egg together to use for a deposit or whatever.
I’ve not really gone without during that period and figured it was about time I treated myself so that was one of the reasons for the NY trip. Now that’s been postponed for a year or so I decided to use some of what I had put away. I’m still saving my money but at the moment what I have is sitting in the bank earning next to no interest (and don’t get me started on what a set of divs Gordon Brown, Mervyn King and the Bank of England are because I may say something I regret – seems everyone else knows how to fix the problem of the economy bar the people who have the power, but then I digress) so may as well use some of it …. so I did it. It’s not something I expect I’ll do regularly but once in a blue moon does no harm. As I have few overheads I can continue to be financially responsible and should be able to replace what I spend in good time.
Truth of it is, it’s one thing to be sensible with your finances, but it’s quite another to put this money away and then die before getting to use it. ;) To quote a well known piece of musical genius “it’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever” and if I do die with this nice little nest egg having never been used I will most certainly be kicking myself …. metaphysically speaking ….
So what did I do? I may have bought VIP packages to various Bon Jovi gigs in London, Mecca (aka New Jersey) and, in the next day or 2, Dallas. Like I said, it’s not something I expect I’ll do regularly but this year I wanted to. I also figured I’m past due. It’s been 18 months since I last saw the boys (admittedly a drop in the ocean compared to some!) and I didn’t do anything spectacular, or at ALL, for my 16th, 18th or 21st birthdays for various reasons, the main one being my Dad. AGAIN!!! Loved him to messes but he cocked it all up for several years even though it wasn’t his fault – not like he ASKED to be ill.
And let’s be honest here, what Jovi fan, in their right mind, is going to turn down the opportunity to go to a gig on or at least that near to their birthday; to have their favourite band at their ‘party’. Here’s hoping the girls fix it for me to be serenaded. They’re under orders to ensure they are displaying signage on the night which says “it’s my buds birthday tomorrow Richie. Sing something different for her, and then give her a big sloppy kiss!!” I’m so sick of I’ll Be There For You ….
So that’s the plan. I’m both excited and apprehensive. It’s going to be a whole new adventure having never even got on a plane before. I’m assured it’s like climbing on a bus. It’s quite a leap for the girl who’s never left our fair shores and has only ever driven alone as far afield as Plymouth.
Roll on 2010 ….. :D
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